When you’re looking for a new house or apartment, you’ll want to browse through the photos to make sure there are no giant stuffed fox men or horses in the room. What, you didn’t think that was on the table? Then these awful real estate photos might lower your expectations of the listings posted on Zillow or Trulia.
The next time you check out an okay-ish dirty apartment on Craigslist, be grateful that it didn’t feature mattresses in the pool. Because honestly, these real estate agents didn’t even try.
Anyone who wants a guaranteed haunting in their home should check out these listings.
Your New Stuffed Man Fox Roommate
“And here we have the living roo–whoa, why are you screaming? That’s just Tom. He likes to hang around, and he’ll be your new roommate. What? No, no, he’s not stuffed. He’s just…a furry.” That’s likely how a tour of this house would go down once the visitors witnessed this giant stuffed man fox in the middle of the room.
If you think this is nightmare fuel, you’re not alone. Based on the internet’s reaction to this image, that stuffed fox is likely the figure that looms over those with sleep paralysis.
Horror Movie Set Free Of Charge
Want to experience the events of The Exorcist and The Ring at the same time? Boy, do we have a housing option for you. Don’t worry, the cross stain on the wall is a free bonus. All young couples looking to start a family envision two old sketchy TVs and a cross stain all in the same living room, right?
With a little cleaning up, this room wouldn’t look so bad. But the picture isn’t going to sell this house to anyone who’s ever watched a horror movie before.
Paranormal Investigator House
Have you ever wondered why all paranormal footage looks like it’s filmed on the worst camera ever? That’s because this photographer apparently takes all those shots. The blue tint and aftereffects come free of charge. Anything to make this real estate look more like Poltergeist.
Hey, some people seek the thrill of the supernatural. That, or they’re looking for a set to shoot their horror film project. And also live on the set. Guests will enter through the door and start seeing everything through blue VHS effects immediately.
If you’re expecting toilets to be inside the bathroom, then you’ll be disappointed.
Rare Shot Of Wild Mattresses At The Watering Hole
After months of waiting in the damp apartment complex, the real estate agent finally snapped a candid photo of wild mattresses in their native habitat. Here, we see a male and female mate pausing for a drink before they continue their migration to the warmer southern desert.
But this break endangers the wild mattresses. Chairs lurk below within the lake, waiting for a moment to bite the mattress’s snout and drag them underwater. These aquatic carnivorous chairs also feed on the wild beach chairs who relax and feed around the watering hole.
For Those Who Think The Most On The John
Creative people understand the dilemma of coming up with their best ideas in the bathroom and then having to rush back to their desk to jot it down. Now, these people can finally have the best of both worlds. Just push in a work desk, and your writing room is ready for anything.
Now, all it needs is a shower, and it’ll be the perfect thinking room. Oh, you need toilet paper, you say? No space for that in the thinking room.
For Those With A Fast Metabolism
Don’t you hate it when you and a guest are in the middle of a discussion when one of you suddenly has to go to the restroom? Do you ever wish your bathroom just didn’t have a door? Now all your problems can be solved with this toilet-kitchen combo.
It looks like New York apartments are just getting smaller and smaller. Not only does the toilet not have a door, but it’s also by a window. And the kitchen. The mingling smells there would not invite anyone to take a chance on this home.
If you want a home where the previous tenant never left, then lucky you! Just check out a specifc listing.
Forest For Sale
The previous tenants never moved out. They simply disappeared in the backyard. Legend has it that a gnarled old witch will arise from the foliage during a new moon, and tempt the current tenants with promises of riches and eternal good luck. If you’re not easily swayed by the prospect of supernatural fortune, this home is for you!
Oh, and don’t think about cutting away the plants. They’ll reappear the following night as if nothing happened. You might not remember attempting to decimate the garden, but the witch will remember. She always remembers.
He Won’t Leave Until He Finishes His Crossword
You can tour the house, and even move in, but you’ll only have your privacy once Tom finishes his crossword puzzle. Until then, we hope you know what Venezuela’s main export is that’s six letters long. He’s also not taking down his trophy shelf until he can figure out who played Algie in the 2002 movie The Importance of Being Earnest.
Feel free to bring in the morning paper. But don’t hand any part of it to Tom, even if he asks politely. If he gets his hands on another crossroad puzzle, he’ll have to start all over.
Horses? Horses. They’re house hunting too.
No Witty Caption Can Clarify What Is Going On Here
Perhaps home seekers may desire a house with a kicked down door, and a…pole? Something that descends across the floor into darkness. And would you prefer your artwork on the ceiling and the light on the floor? This real estate listing provides everything you didn’t think you’d ever have to deal with.
Interested clients won’t have to wait for the estate agent to arrive and unlock the door. They can waltz right in if they want to experience an acid trip without even taking the drug.
Shows Considerable Interest
Get to the viewing early for this home. It’s already garnering a lot of interest from the large mammal community. They’re so early that they’re waiting for the real estate agent to stop taking pictures so she can show them inside.
“Honey, do you think that room would be a good space for the kids?” “Nay.” Alright, that was a bad joke. Putting that aside, one has to wonder where these horses came from. Do they come with the house?
Haaay, I’m Your Real Estate Agent
Remember the open house that invited considerable horse attention? This is that home’s estate agent. She’ll show you the upstairs with the beautiful sunroof and new carpet installations. This agent has sold many homes, so you can trust her.
How can she take this picture? Or respond to those emails you’ve been sending back and forth for a week? Don’t worry about it. You’re here to see a potential new home, and she’ll be happy to answer any questions you have.
Nothing’s more appealing in a home than a paint job provided by someone actively having a stroke.
This House Is For Sale
“Where’s the house again? Honey, hand me the picture. Oh yeah, that one. I know where to go from here.” Never mind that Google maps and closer photography are both easier options for updating this listing. Maybe they’re only selling the home to puzzle solvers who can figure out which house to visit.
Or, the photographer has a restraining order requiring them to never walk within 100 yards of that particular house. They have to snap a picture from a moving vehicle across a dead field to evade court.
The Paint Explosion House
Someone out there is aching for a Jackson Pollock house. “Why can’t we a find a house for sale that has miscolored paint splattered all over the walls?” they bemoaned. Finally, these poor souls were able to hit up this real estate posting from 2014.
Since they wanted the absolute mess aesthetic so badly, they couldn’t just do it themselves once they moved in. No, they had to buy it that way. That’s why the homeowners didn’t pay to repaint the room–right?
If want an existential crisis every time you go to the bathroom, this upcoming home is for you.
The Ever Changing Entrance House
You’ll want to wait for the estate agent to arrive before letting yourself in. None of the doors lock, but only one of them leads into the real home. And the right door changes every time you leave.
You’ll have to take your best guess or look through the seeing stone that the neighborhood psychic randomly tossed your way as soon as you stepped out of the moving van. If you enter the wrong door, you’ll find what looks like your home. But you will not be able to open the door for the rest of the day.
Have Your Backyard BBQ In Prison
“Hey, let’s spend the Fourth of July at my place!” said no one who has ever owned this yard. If you want to crack open a beer with your friends, you might prefer a grassy white-fenced lawn to the back porch of the Saw set.
At least the real estate agent was nice enough to supply chairs with cup holders. Here, you receive the beautiful view of what looks like a prison wall in the shadiest alleyway to ever exist.
Ever worry that a room has too much light? Don’t worry. These upcoming listings should help you out.
Peer Into Multiple Worlds While On The Toilet
Some people like to scroll through Facebook while on the toilet. Others prefer to gaze into the reflected depths of infinity, to philosophize on whether the myriad reflections consciously stare back at them, and ponder the individual agency of the doppelgänger present in the mirror.
If the picture didn’t give people a headache, this bathroom could charm people with its purple decor and modern countertop. Just take away that mirror. And that one. And those on the cupboards too.
The Kitchen’s Sunlight Is Too Strong
My, the kitchen sure becomes unbearable when the sun burns a hole straight through the roof! Fortunately, these real estate agents have you covered with some lovely shade inside your home.
Only two thoughts can explain the logic behind this: the real estate agents assumed the sun would burn straight through the ceiling, or they ran out of tables. It can’t be protecting people from overhead lights, because there are no overhead lights. So it’s likely they just stole an outdoor table from somewhere.
Perfect Kid’s Room
What a wonderful room for the kids! The pink sheets, the included book, whatever that thing is hanging from the ceiling. And the microscopic window facing the parking lot tops it all off. If you want your child to learn the horrors of the modern prison system firsthand, don’t take them to a museum. Just plop them in this room and slide their meals under the door.
At least those gaping holes in the wall allow potential buyers to hang their beautiful artwork. The room could use a little more color.
Why yes, the kayak does matter to the home listing!
Meet Your New Roommates
You’ll never feel alone in this house. Meet your several new roommates who all come with the house. They’re all named Annabelle, and they all appear in a different position every time you look away. This room is perfect for young girls who swear that their 75 new friends all speak to them in different voices and whisper during the night.
Insane antique collectors might jump at the opportunity to display this vast collection. You might even be able to make a few bucks off of these if they don’t appear at your doorstep again after you sell them.
Those who don’t have a car might search for a home close enough to public transportation. But why invest in a bike or bus pass when you can kayak to work? Ride the tide out of this insanely large living room and onto the highway, because that’s physically possible.
Other people might be looking for a bit enough space to store their kayak collection. Don’t worry; this real estate has you covered. They’ll even start your collection for you.
What do you do when you want an additional bathroom, but don’t have a designated room for it? Just stick it in the corner! This homeowner took the “open floor plan” a bit too literally, and opted not to include any walls between this bathroom addition and the rest of the house.
It’s hard to imagine that this layout would work for anyone. Even if you’re living by yourself and never have guests, it’s pretty weird to be sitting on the toilet in the middle of the house.
Need Some Inspiration While You’re In There?
Even when the house has a normal layout, clean floors, and a nice fresh coat of paint on the walls, there’s still plenty that can go wrong. This homeowner decided to decorate one of the bathrooms with some choice words.
A realtor shared this photo on Instagram with the caption, “Let’s maybe keep the inspirational wall quotes out of the bathroom, m’kay?” It would be pretty embarrassing to have to show this room to clients.
There’s No Garage
Some people like to bring vintage things into their house to give it a certain kind of vibe. While the previous homeowner’s belongings and sense of style don’t usually play a part in potential buyers’ decision on the property, this one makes you think twice.
There’s a car parked in the living room? How’d it get in living room? Why? And how is that car getting out of the house without leaving tire marks all over the white carpet? …Next!
Comes With A Nice (Green) Pool!
Okay, this one is common sense, folks. If you’re going to have an unused pool sitting in the backyard, it’s best to just drain the thing. Otherwise it becomes a huge algae cesspool that no one wants to come within a mile of.
The real estate agent should have just left this photo out and prayed that no one wanted to view the backyard when touring the property. Let’s just hope all pets and kids stay a safe distance away from this mess!
This Room Is Occupied
Even if you’re not afraid of dolls staring blankly at you, you have to admit that when there’s one hundred of them, it’s creepy. This homeowner obviously collects dolls (or maybe they travel through the night to gather here) but the way they’re arranged is pretty creepy.
As soon as you walk into the room, they’re all giving you their undivided attention. The room is otherwise empty and in good shape cosmetically. Time to evict the dolls.
We Sometimes Care About Keeping It Nice
Ok, this photo from a real estate ad is down right hypocritical. In the dining space, we see that the table is carefully covered with plastic, to avoid getting damaged or dusty. Just four feet away in the living area, however, is a massive trampoline.
Who brings a trampoline of this size into their home??? Especially people who care so much about keeping their dining room in perfect shape? We know who runs this house: kids.
A Little Woman? What Little Woman?
I think it’s safe to say that no one is going to be viewing this property after seeing this photo posted online. First off, this photo does nothing to show what this space of the house actually looks like, but in case you were wanting something for size and scale, there’s a little creepy woman in the corner to show you how short she is.
This is one of those photos that once you see it, you can’t unsee it. You’ll see this creepy little woman again, in your dreams tonight.
A little mold never hurt anyone, right? I mean, it’s just like a little spec. It’s still move-in ready. Any real estate agent or potential buyer who walks in this door is walking out with toxic mold poisoning…
Hopefully this house has been sitting empty for a very, very long time because it hasn’t been livable in years. Time to knock it down and call it a day. Unless you like abstract mold wallpaper.
Welcome To The Fun House
You would think that they would throw some white paint on the walls, staircase… everything before the real estate agent snapped this pic and listed the property online, but no. This house hit the market with all the crazy colors it came with.
The beads on the chandelier give away the fact that there’s been hundreds of parties in this house. And to think, this is just the entryway! You haven’t even seen the worst of it.
Is That A Wolf? Or…?
You have to wonder why the person didn’t take another photo of the kitchen after this, but here we are. Is that a wolf, or a dog looking through the window? Can you imagine looking up to see that late at night?!
This house comes with a very nosy neighbor, so maybe they’re trying to warn potential buyers of what they’re getting themselves into if they purchase this property. Maybe that’s why the current owners are moving out!
Cat Doesn’t Want To Move
While the homeowner is walking around taking photos of the interior, their car has just about had enough of the outdoors and is ready to come in. Judging by the looks of it, this situation escalated from the cat meowing at the back door to be let in, to completely scaling the screen door.
For whatever reason, this is the photo that the owner went ahead and posted online to advertise the home. We’re not sure if the cat is staying or going.
Child Safety Comes First
Wow there– what is this? At first you think it’s an adult bed, possibly trying to keep the family pets off the bed, but then you see the child’s artwork on the walls… was this a “practical” parent’s solution to not having a crib?
The wire fencing around the bed makes this room look more like a jail cell than a bedroom. We can’t imagine why they wouldn’t take it down before snapping a pic, but then again, no one else on this list thought to clean things up either.
Think Of All The Money You’ll Save On Bathmats
Brown bathtub. Brown carpeting surrounding the bathtub. Three carpeted steps to get into the bathtub. Brownish-yellowish wallpaper. Just reading that description, without even having seen this sad story of a bathroom, you know you’d want nothing to do with it.
This is one of those elements of the home that might have been on-point for the current owner, but by all means, please get rid of it before putting the house on the market!
Indoor Pools Are Fancy
If you found a house on the market for a reasonable price that boasted an indoor pool, you’d be intrigued to at least give it a look, right? And then you click and you see this. This man looks very pleased with himself for bringing an above-ground pool inside his home, but we’re not sure everyone else will be on board with this idea.
You know that part of the rental application that asks if you have any waterbeds or aquariums? Well, technically this isn’t either of those things, but it’s also a disaster waiting to happen. What were you thinking, Bill?!
Off-Street Parking Is Always A Plus
When you live in a big city, you know how important it is to have reserved, off-street parking. The last thing you want is to come home from a busy day at work to not being able to find any parking remotely close to your place.
This is all true, but exactly what lengths are you willing to go to in order to make this happen? This house was listed for sale missing a driveway! We’re not sure how this building came about being laid out this way. But it did. And it’s for sale, and it could be yours! Yay!
Denim Staircase To Jean Heaven
You like denim? Then this is the staircase for you! Enjoy your obsession with jeans every time you climb the flight of stairs with this brilliant upgrade. Guests will love to take advantage of this instagram-worthy piece of art.
It’s amazing that no one else has come up with this brilliant motif before. Because who doesn’t want to set foot on all of your old, dirty jeans on their way to the bedroom?
The Gang’s All Here
Some people really like to show off their skills, and keep something around as a trophy to prove it. This homeowner decided to take all of his hunting prizes and mount them on the living room wall where he and everyone who steps foot into his house can enjoy them.
While they took all of the furniture out of the house, for some reason, they left all of these stuffed bucks.
Brick Cabinets…. Were Never A Thing
Sometimes you walk into a house that’s a bit dated in style. You can tell that the wallpaper, the decor, and the finishes were from the ’60s, ’70s, or ’80s. But brick cabinets were never in.
Clearly, this is some type of decor paper that’s stuck to the outside of the cabinets to make it appear like brick, but we’re sure it wasn’t designed to be used in this fashion.
“It’s This One”
It’s nice to have some professional photos taken of the place you’re trying to sell. It adds that extra touch that makes people feel good about the place. It makes it special.
This real estate agent recognized the importance of showing the buyer which condo was the one for sale. It’s located on the top floor, which is nice. Here’s Tom’s professional photo for the listing… “it’s THIS one.” Oh ok… got the time, too?
His And Hers Toilets Are Ideal
Often, a real estate agent will need to appeal to both the man and the woman who are buying the home in order to sell it. She wants a big kitchen, he wants a big garage… well this house is sure to make everyone happy, right?
Every couple seems to want two vanities, so they each get their own sink. Well, this bathroom not only has two sinks (see them on opposite sides) but they also have two toilets! This is a highly efficient bathroom for busy mornings with everyone getting ready. We’re sure the fad will take off really, really soon.