If These People Had A Cooking Show I Would Absolutely Tune In To Watch The Inevitable Trainwreck

There’s a specific type of person who watches cooking shows and they’re pretty easy to identify. They like to cook, and they’re good at it. They have the sort of patience that Mahatma Gandhi is jealous of and they have a perfectionism that is unmatched.

For the rest of the world who is impatient and has no interest in watching other people cook food that they can only dream of eating, cooking shows aren’t that appealing. They’re just not relatable. Well, that is unless we gave the people in this article a show. They’re the regular folks who make mistakes in the kitchen… like BIG mistakes. I’ll binge-watch any cooking show that these people are in because it’ll make me feel better about my own cooking skills.

What’s More Rare Than Blue?

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Photo Credit: Instagram / @will_ent

We need to start investigating people who say that they like their steak bleeding uncontrollably.

There has to be some sort of correlation between serial killers/cannibals and the way people like their steak. If blood is gushing out of your mouth as you bite into your steak and you’re enjoying it, please get help.

A Bloated And Festive Spring Treat

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Photo Credit: Reddit / sioxsie_siouxv2

We all have that one aunt who is super festive, but also very untalented in the kitchen. She tries so hard to bake holiday goodies, but they always turn out awful.

She’s also the same aunt that always asks why you’re single at the dinner table. Meanwhile, she hasn’t had a date in 15 years.

Lesson Of The Day: Eggs Explode

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Photo Credit: Imgur

When you just start to learn how to maneuver your way around the kitchen, you end up learning some hard lessons.

One of them is that the microwave is a lot more powerful than you’ve ever known. Don’t put tin foil, forks, spoons, or eggs in the microwave because, well, your kitchen will turn into explosion city. Coming up, a pizza that exploded like a nuclear bomb, literally.

Cooking While You’re A Bachelor Looks Like…

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Photo Credit: Reddit / 05iri5

Life’s just better when you’re single. There’s so much less judgment that infiltrates your kitchen, and you can cook the way you want to.

If you think this guy’s girlfriend would let him drain his noodles using a dirty old tennis racket, you’re crazy. Why buy a colander when you already have something that’s much more useful?

It’s All About Resource Management

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Photo Credit: Instagram / @whysext

Resource management is so important when you don’t understand how to cook properly. Stick to what you know, and this person obviously knows coffee makers.

Using the stove to its full capacity is daunting but when you use a coffee maker every day anyway, you might as well get the most out of it.

Nuclear Lunch Detected

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Photo Credit: Reddit / AlyoshaV

When your pizza looks like it just dropped a nuclear bomb, I don’t think it’s very successful.

While most people will say it’s hard to screw up pizza, it’s harder to make it right. Getting the crust to a perfect golden brown is nearly impossible. It takes a perfect amount of baking mixed with the perfect amount of broil. Just ahead, the perfect compliment to a Snickers bar that’ll have you shook.

Incense Or Spaghetti?

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Photo Credit: Reddit / Marzz

This is an interesting tactic to give your spaghetti noodles a “smoky” taste. Italian chefs are probably doing that weird hand motion they all do while screaming “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

The other mild inconvenience about doing the smoky noodle is that it always results in burning your house down. Which certainly isn’t ideal.

The Combinations Are Everything

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Photo Credit: Imgur / JoaquimSilva

The key to any meal is creating the perfect combinations. What’s Kraft Singles without butter and bread? What’s Oreos without milk? What’s hard taco shells without pasta? Nothing.

Chefs spend their entire lives trying to mix and combine the perfect ingredients in order to create a masterpiece as good as the one in the picture above.

Please Let Those Be Mint Leaves

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Photo Credit: Reddit / absolutgonzo

If you’ve already seen the Snickers commercials, you know that “Snickers Satisfies.” So you’d be hard-pressed to find a spice that would make these chocolate bars better than they already are.

The balsamic drizzle I can get behind (because it’s good on everything), but the only green leaf I would sprinkle on top of a Snickers is mint. Coming up, the end result and disaster left by a cook literally made his appliances collapse.

That’s Not What Was Supposed To Happen

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Photo Credit: Imgur / JoaquimSilva

If you’ve ever bought a lobster from the grocery store, you already know that they’re aggressive and scary.

They have sharp claws that can basically rip your entire arm off and they have the brains of a Nobel Prize-winning physicist. That’s why this picture of one wielding a knife is so disturbing and this shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Cooking Level: College

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Photo Credit; Reddit / tenaciousdr9

There’s laziness and then there’s college laziness which is an entirely different level. When you eat Fruit Loops for three meals a day, you have to switch up the method of cooking.

With that being said, college students have to be even more creative than the average cook because they have basically $0.03 to spend on each meal.

What Is In That Crock Pot?

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Photo Credit: Imgur / JoaquimSilva

One of the most important things about cooking is making sure that you keep your space clean. Having a cluster of pots and pans adds stress and can apparently crush your stove.

By the end of your cooking, if your appliances look like they went through their own personal hurricane it’s probably not a good thing. Just ahead, a before-and-after picture of deviled eggs that would even have Satan screaming in laughter.

Okay, Now It’s Getting Interesting

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Photo Credit: Imgur / JoaquimSilva

This is the bowl of the summer. Watermelon just tastes better when the weather is warm, and noodles just taste better when they’re served in a watermelon. It’s simple math.

The taco shell bowl is what made taco salad a worldwide hit. What’s saying that the watermelon bowl won’t make this type of noodle soup to the next level?

So About That Smoothie…

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Photo Credit: Imgur / Haganblount

Whatever happened to smoothies actually being drinkable without just tasting like blended spinach? Long are the days when it’s appropriate to just have a strawberry and banana smoothie.

If you don’t include 19 seeds, 14 types of yogurt, and 17 different ripeness levels of avocado then don’t even bother telling anyone that you’re making a smoothie.

Deviled Eggs Is Right

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Photo Credit: Imgur

My favorite thing to see on Facebook right now is all the Pinterest moms trying to get creative in the kitchen.

They see these perfectly decorative foods and think that they can recreate it themselves. This is ALWAYS how it turns out. Better luck next time, Tammy. Coming up, the new way people are eating burgers to help preserve the environment. Hint: it’s not worth it.

This Has To Be Pizza’s Ugly Step-Cousin

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Photo Credit: Reddit / hkfczrqj

It’s hard to imagine that pizza can have an ugly family member. It’s one of the only food items in the world that is basically foolproof and liked all around the world.

This picture is hard to look at. It’s like seeing someone close to you getting injured really graphically. It’s gut-wrenching to look at but we’ll pull through.

Slow Roasted Tater Tots Didn’t Really Work Out

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Photo Credit: Reddit / xXBrOThaDEIONXx

This is what happens when you come home drunk from a night out and get hungry. You put tater tots and chicken fingers in the oven and fall asleep.

You wake up eight hours later to a smoke-filled house and what looks like little rabbit turds on the pan. It’s a story that we’ve heard all too often.

Burger Skins Are The New Thing

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Photo Credit: Instagram / @streetcatto

If you’re looking to find a reason to never order a burger again, try eating the new burger skin.

There’s no better way to avoid burgers than to eat them with their plastic-y wrapping on. It not only takes all of the burger taste away, but it also poisons you. I guess it’s better that you get poisoned than the environment.

A Smorgasbord Of Goodness

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Photo Credit: Imgur

Can we just talk about how useful those small convection ovens are? They’re the future because they take up 1,000 times less space than a regular old oven and do practically the same job.

The jury is still out as to whether this, uh, breakfast of champions is going to turn out but the attempt is at least there.

Do You Live With A Neanderthal?

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Photo Credit: Imgur

This picture looks like it was taken in the prehistoric ages. Did a caveman come back from the dead, grab a rock, and then get a craving for some chicken noodle soup?

Or maybe Fred Flintstone stumbled into this house drunk and forgot that can openers exist? There are so many questions that need to be answered here.