If you can eat a whole tub of ice cream at two in the morning without having to justify to anyone, you’re probably very single and very lonely. Don’t get me wrong, this lifestyle of isolation certainly has its perks. You don’t have to answer to anyone, you’re on your own schedule, and you can save a whole lot of money.
Being inherently alone does come with a negative side of course, like having to attend your cousin’s wedding by yourself, eating lots of microwave meals, and fake-breaking up with people you don’t even know. Oh, you don’t do that? Sorry, social Sally, jeez. If you’re feeling lonely, just wait until you see the people in this article who, I assure you, have it much worse.
The Forever Alone Booth
If you’re single and you know it clap your hands. This Burger King has a booth specifically for people who are shamelessly single and not ready to mingle.
They call this the Forever Alone Booth and it certainly lives up to its name. This is more radioactive to a love-life than saying Nickelback is your favorite band.
When You’re Really Single But Making The Best Of It
One of the nice things about having a significant other is that you always have someone to do things with. Whether that’s grocery shopping, vegging out on the couch, or going for a walk on the Jersey Shore.
We have to give credit to Snooki for being SUPER single but not letting that get in her way of enjoying some company…even if that company is just a balloon.
Mirrors Never Lie
If you’re going to flex on social media to make your ex-girlfriend jealous, at least be aware of your surroundings. A mirror never lies, and man oh man, does he wish it did in this case.
This makes him go from “newly single” to “desperately single and borderline crazy” in one second flat. Not a good look.
If you thought involuntary hickeys were bad, just wait until you see this picture coming up…it sucks (your neck).
Bane Had Some Awkward Years As A Teenager
If you’re thinking this kid looks very familiar, you must be a Batman fan. This is Bane in his confusing teenage years.
He was a lot more colorful back then. You probably wouldn’t believe that he had quotes in the superhero movie like “You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it.” I don’t know man, this picture doesn’t scream “Darkness” to me.
When Online Dating Doesn’t Go As Planned
In a time where young people have adopted the hook-up and online dating culture, it’s refreshing to see a guy looking to go on a real date.
The only problem is that this comes off as an 11/10 on the desperation scale. Doing this set-up fully admits that you have no standards and are willing to date anyone who shows you attention.
Why Force Turtleneck Season On Yourself?
“You know what would make my night better? If I had a big ol’ hickey on my neck that gives every stranger that walks past me way too much knowledge about my sex life.” – Said no one, ever.
Why is there a market for this? Nothing says “I’m hiding a hickey at this family gathering” more than wearing a turtleneck on a 90-degree day.
Just ahead, we may have found our first person to not be forever alone. I think? Maybe? Oh no.
Keep Your Friends Close And Your Enemies Closer
So here’s the thing about cats — they’re literally on this planet to destroy us. Single people validate their existence because they’re lonely and want company but it doesn’t do the human race any good.
This cat is monitoring your every move. The biblical rapture is the least of your worries because the “Cat-ture” will be here way before. That’s when cats come together and share all their knowledge and kill us all. This is a PSA.
The Table Of Shame
What’s great about this table is that it’s far away in the corner so that no one can hear you cry into your spaghetti bolognese.
If crying isn’t your thing and you’d rather have a moment of silence for yourself and everyone else who can’t buy a friend, this table also works really well for that.
Taking TreeHugger to A New Level
There comes a point when you just accept that you’re going to be single forever. With this realization comes a moment of absolute freedom because it takes all of the stress off of you to find a significant other.
Some people, like this girl, resort to choosing trees or other inanimate objects. Fun fact: trees and plants actually feel pain, so it’s sort of like the real thing.
Ah, Finally Someone Who Isn’t Lonely
Holy cow! So this is what a genuinely happy, not lonely, not single person looks like? It’s everything I imagined.
As annoying as this camera pose is, we have to give her credit for having a personality that keeps another human-being around. It’s an overlooked skill to not make someone who spends a lot of time with you want to fork out their eyeballs…but wait, something isn’t right here…
Okay, really? So she’s actually just one of us? This is the reason that we have trust issues.
It should’ve been clear that her half smile was fake. When you’re riding solo for a long time you become very good at hiding your true feelings and coming off as happy when you’re actually in a crippling bout of depression.
Third Wheeling Is The Absolute Worst
For all of us who are used to having to third-wheel our friends know that it’s awkward and uncomfortable all around.
The only way to have fun is to drink your sorrows away and pretend that your friends aren’t making out in front of you. Shoutout to the couples who know how to handle a third-wheeler in a respectful way.
Self Love Is The Best Love
I’ve never understood the why people think that going to eat alone is the epitome of being sad and lonely. It’s way better because you don’t have to talk to people and you can eat whatever you want.
If you’re on a date and the person you’re with orders a salad you automatically feel obligated to order a salad. Maybe I don’t want to feel pressured to eat bundled leaves in a crappy vinaigrette.
Want to see the biggest red flag that someone can give that will assure you they’re REALLY single? That’s just ahead.
No New Friends – Drake
If you’re constantly alone, it’s probably because making friends hasn’t been an overly successful part of your life.
We all have those ride-or-die friends that live across the country so we never see them which means we have to take out our blow-up penguins for a walk.
This Is An Immediate Red Flag
There’s nothing more obvious that there’s a crazy cat lady inside of a vehicle more than having this on the back windshield.
This is the unfortunate future for many of us who have yet to come to terms with the fact that we’ll be single for the rest of our lives.
The face of someone who is sick of being alone, but too lazy to do anything about it is just around the corner.
The Lengths Some People Will Go To Make An Ex Jealous
What a great way to date literally anyone you want to. Brad Pitt? Sure. Life is all about perspective and if you feel like the piece of paper is a real person, then he’s a real person.
He won’t talk back to you, he won’t eat with his mouth open, he won’t ignore you for video games that should only be played by five-year-olds. It’s starting to sound very appealing.
Can Someone Give This Kid A Hug?
Let’s talk about the importance of hugs. Many studies are showing that everyone needs at least eight hugs a day. They didn’t necessarily say by someone else, so this guy is just getting his quota in.
Hugging balances out the nervous system and boosts self-esteem. He’s doing this so that he can build up enough confidence to ask his crush on a date.
The Face Says It All
If you’ve ever wondered what the face of someone who is completely defeated looks like, well, voila!
His soul is bruised and battered, his ego is almost non-existent and his beard is overgrown. Giving up IS the only option. Those eyes have no more tears to cry, and his thumb has no more swipes left in it.
So there are a few things that single people should just keep to themselves. The fact that you don’t shave your leg so that it feels like a man is certainly one of them.
It falls in the “what we don’t know doesn’t hurt us category” along with the fact that you drive past your ex’s house every day to check up on them. It’s better left unsaid.
A Mobile Advertisement
First of all, can we talk about how irrelevant these stick figure families are? Why do they exist and why do people feel like everyone needs to know how many family members they have?
Yes, we get it, Janet, you drive a mini-van and have three kids, a dog, and a cat. It makes no difference to any person on the roads. But at least this person is using their stick people as an impromptu dating application.