Recently, women took to Reddit to describe some things they could find in a guy’s apartment that would set off major red flags. The ladies had a lot to say, but then another thread appeared asking men the same question. What’s something in a lady’s apartment that might as well be a giant red flag screaming, “get out while you still can”?
The good people of Reddit delivered. Keep reading to learn the sure signs that somebody is not a good match for a self-respecting adult human. If you have any of these things in your apartment, it may be time to re-evaluate your whole life.
Here Comes The Bride
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I relate to this girl pretty hard. You always have to be prepared for a rainy day— or a wedding day— or a rainy wedding day.
But, yeah, it’s a bit much. I don’t want to say run, but maybe briskly jog away from that whole situation.
A Shrine To Boyfriends Present
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This one is super creepy. Do you think she was trying to make a joke? That had to be a joke, right?
Either that or this guy broke her best friend’s heart, and she was trying to get back at him in the creepiest way possible.
Goodbye Norma Jean
Photo Credit: duermando / Reddit & Baron/Getty Images
Marilyn Monroe was a troubled soul who was exploited by Hollywood and died young. Maybe not the best role model for a young girl looking to live a stable life.
Yeah, she was gorgeous and interesting, but maybe if you need a picture and a quote to remind you that you’re quirky and different, you should try actually being different.
At Least Get An Air Freshener
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I couldn’t agree more. Cats are wonderful, have as many cats as you have room for. If you live in a studio apartment, you have room for zero cats.
If you have a one bedroom, I can see maybe fitting in one cat, but you have to keep the litterbox far away from the kitchen and the bedroom and the bathroom.
Stuffed Cats Are Worse Than Live Cats
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Ok, I take back everything I said about the other girl with the litter box. At least that cat was alive.
How does one person have multiple taxidermied cat bodies? How many is multiple? How did they die? I have so many questions. Read on for the only thing worse than lots of cat bodies…
Get Yourself Some Cups
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How does a person go through life with no cups? Don’t they need to drink water? It’s important to stay hydrated. Unless you’re not a human person.
Maybe she is an alien who came to earth and is trying to copy human behavior. That is the only logical explanation.
Well, You Don’t Deserve A Relationship Then
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I have to agree with this one. I feel some affinity for this quote sometimes, but hanging this in your room as a personal mantra is a step too far.
How about don’t make a habit of being at your worst and try being a decent person instead? That goes for people of all genders.
Holding Onto The Past
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Yup, this is a bad one. Who prints out pictures nowadays anyway? Keep that stuff on your phone where it belongs.
I’d rather see lots of taxidermied cats than lots of pictures of some girl I’m trying to replace— I mean, some girl he used to love.
Hooray! You Drank Alcohol!
Photo Credit: hapile / Reddit & Eric Lafforgue/Art in All of Us
Finishing a bottle of vodka is not an achievement. You did not work all your life to accomplish it. If a college kid can do it, it probably isn’t very hard.
Sorry every college kid, but you know it’s true. Recycle your empty bottles. Save the environment.
Keep The Rats Out Of The Kitchen
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Unless your pet rat is Remy from Ratatoullie, please keep him away from all culinary instruments. Also, are rats in the freezer a thing?
I had a childhood friend who kept her dead pet rat in the freezer through the winter until the snow melted and the ground was soft enough to bury him. Maybe it is a thing after all.
Big Brother Is Watching
Photo Credit: mooneater13 / Reddit & Artur Widak/NurPhoto via Getty Images
Yeah, sure buddy, a “security” camera. That wouldn’t make me feel very secure. Why wouldn’t a security camera face the entrance of the apartment?
I mean, if he’s into that sort of thing, more power to him, but at least be honest about it. Keep reading for a girl who could be a Friends character IRL.
Dolls Are Always Creepy
Photo Credit: apple_kicks / Reddit & Mario Tama/Getty Images
Nope nope nope. This is not okay. Nobody should have that many dolls. Nobody should have any dolls. There’s a reason that dolls are in every horror movie ever.
It’s because they’re the worst and they hate us for trapping their souls in porcelain bodies.
‘Avin A Bevvy With The Boys
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Let’s dissect this for a moment, shall we? A tapestry? Where does one even get a tapestry?
Also, Saturdays are most definitely not for the boys. Not if you want any girl to give you the time of day. Saturdays are for trips to Ikea and cleaning your whole apartment.
No Phoebes Allowed
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This is fair. Unless you are also into all that hippy-dippy stuff, you probably don’t want to date someone who is.
Let that girl find a guy with messy hair and a bandana and unwashed feet. They deserve each other. Read on for a red flag that knows no gender.
I See You, Blonde Girl Who Is Thinking About Getting Highlights
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These three words in this order anywhere is a sign of trouble. On her Instagram bio, unironically on Twitter, framed in her bedroom, tattooed on the back of her neck… it’s bad news any way you look at it.
Run, Simba. Run far away and never return.
This One Is For A Girl’s Apartment (Obviously)
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If you use the bathroom in a girl’s apartment, and the toilet seat is already up, you know there’s going to be trouble.
Either another guy was in there recently (don’t pretend you don’t feel threatened, ’cause you do), or you used the bathroom earlier, and you have a terrible memory.
Y’all Are Nasty
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Wash your dishes, people! Don’t be gross. Nobody wants to date a gross person. If you’re going to be gross on your own time, that’s one thing, but if you know you have a date coming over, put your dishes away.
Guys and girls are both guilty of this. Everyone needs to be better.
Pillows, Pillows Everywhere
Photo Credit: UberToonces / Reddit & Richard Chivers/View Pictures/UIG
I strongly disagree with this one. You really cannot have too many pillows. The more, the merrier.
Two real pillows are not enough pillows, especially if her date is going to be sleeping over. Then they only get one pillow each. Everyone needs at least three pillows.
It’s True What They Say About Horse Girls
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As a former horse girl, I can tell you that it’s all true. They are a little… different. They’re overdramatic and their priorities are all out of whack, and they smell like a barn 90% of the time.
Find yourself a girl who has never seen or heard the quote, “I don’t live to ride, I ride to live.”
Telling It Like It Is
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Any potential lover who would let you into their apartment can’t be very choosy, now can they? Wrong! Everyone deserves love! Stop being so self-deprecating (even if it does make for a hilarious Reddit post).
Chin up, buttercup. You’ll find somebody someday.