Everyone has a different sex drive and we all have an idea what a “dry spell” is. But, there’s one thing a lot of us can nod our heads in agreement about — wanting sex and not having it sucks.
Currently, Twitter is full of people complaining about the number of the days they’ve suffered through without sex. They’ve shared what they lived through and what it’s driven them to do. It’s funny as hell and while some Tweets are vividly detailed, here’s what people had to say.
Let’s All Pray For This Streak To End
Do NOT make fun of this young man. First off, he’s not alone in the situation, but that’s what college is for, right? Secondly, some girl is going to see this maybe she’ll slide into the DMs.
Lastly, but most importantly, he’s going to get some action long before the Cleveland Browns ever appear in a Super Bowl.
When You Lost Your Mind For Good
Okay, for starters, if you’re up this high and you haven’t developed a special talent, I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve lost your mind!
Going this long of a dry spell would drive me up the wall. However, if you think saying this will improve your chances, I wish you the best of luck.
Did You Wash Your Mouth?
Gee, somebody must have been watching a ton of adult entertainment videos. Can you blame them?
They’ll apply whatever they see in those naughty films during their dry spell to their everyday lives apparently. Anyway, this is something I don’t think adult actors would do in the public eye. The next one ahead will have you screaming out the right name when someone gets it wrong.
The SmartWatch Is On The Calorie Count
Seriously though, you don’t need to get to 351 days for this to be a real issue. If anything, your SmartWatch is giving you a bit more credit than you probably deserve.
Since you’ve sat around waiting for that dry spell to end, your watch was counting all of the calories you have burned off in the meantime.
The Dogs Are Out And Ready To Play
It’s like he had the special parts of the body on the brain. Maybe you should think before you talk about what’s on your mind next time.
That way, nobody at the drive-thru window will have to hear how sad your sex life really is. If animal-style fries are going to make you feel better, at least it’s better than drinking all night.
Say My Name, Say My Name, Say My Name
You can’t spell a name wrong when you’re yelling it. It’s like seeing every version of Aaron come out from the abyss. Erin, Airing, and of course, A-A-Ron.
It seems like a common thing to have different ways to spell this name. I feel bad for those people. Charging your phone is one thing, but just ahead, someone who’s gone 213 days on a dry spell made it the most awkward thing ever.
When You’re Close To Your First Anniversary, You Should Treat Yo Self
Go for it! You may find that your dry spell is starting to become part of who you really are. Your home decor, fashion, and social media presence will expose how lonely you are.
But, what happens when you finally seal the deal again? Go ahead and break this chair because you deserve it after waiting this long.
That’s Going To Leave An Itchy Mark
If you haven’t had a hickey in awhile, then West Nile Virus might be right for you. This wouldn’t be the first time you felt itchy after something like that.
Nonetheless, this one would escalate real quick when you slap the mosquito and end up feeling worse than when you started.
Jamming A Charger Into The Wall Is Like A Song On Repeat
You know you have a well-established idea to address your loneliness when inanimate objects become your friend. By the time you reach 200 days, you see a whole new range of opportunities everywhere you go.
However, don’t let that distract you from the fact that you ruined more than one charger by jamming it into the wall all the time. Who needs a roller coaster these days? The person who’s on a three-month dry spell has the answer to that shortly.
Sometimes, It’s Okay To Stop Caring
You might be surprised at the kinds of things you can offer yourself. Even when you stop caring about what you look like, you’re way ahead of the game.
It’s like you stopped caring about what you look like a long time ago. This really could explain the word “dry spell.”
It’s Just A Reflex, Nothing Else
Welcome to the fourth month. As you reach this unexpected milestone, you can’t be held accountable for the sounds that come out of your mouth.
It’s nothing but a reflex, but at the same time, this is so uncomfortable. Watch, people are going to start looking for a new hairdresser after this incident.
Who Needs A Roller Coaster These Days?
Why wait in line for a roller coaster when you can make your own highway? I mean, you don’t have to drive recklessly to deal with your sexual frustrations. Your anger could lead to a horrific car accident.
But, that’s not our fault when you have the cops show up and you have to tell them what you did that had nothing to do with your sex drive. Coming up is something similar to this, but it might be more fun at Six Flags.
The Next Time You Go To The Doctor’s Office
It can be easy to misunderstand the signals that other people are putting out there. It’s like making a terrible decision to order Chinese food once you’re three months into the dry spell.
There’s no way you won’t make things awkward the next time you go for your checkup at the doctor’s office.
The Sound Of Silence
At least it can reopen, unlike Toys R Us. It sucked when the retail store closed up for good because childhood dreams were crushed.
I guess our parents were right when they told us that life gets difficult as you get older. But, having this happen on the same day? That’s a cry for help.
Welcome To The Second Month
The next time you’ve gone this long on a dry spell, amusement parks are offering a different type of pleasure. Wooden roller coasters would be perfect for this purpose.
Think about it, the bumpiness of the tracks and the constant feeling you’re about to die is breathtaking. Stuffing yourself so you hope you have the self-satisfaction? The carbs will be yelling at you to get some for the next one ahead.
My Lovely Humps
This girl was jamming out to “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas. There’s no other way to say this because anytime she hit the pothole, her “humps” would be pleased with that.
However, it wouldn’t be that much of a happy ending when she flips forward on her bike after hitting so many potholes.
When You Get Kicked Out Of KFC
I really hope you didn’t do this in public. As much as Popeyes has some mouth-watering biscuits, you couldn’t have thought of a better alternative?
Wait, what am I thinking, they probably did this at KFC. Once they did this too many times, it got awkward and they got banned from the home of Colonel Sanders for good.
Imagine All The Carbs You Can Burn Off
When you’re bloated, you don’t have to worry about a thing in the world. Sure, you stuffed yourself to please your stomach, but that’s your sex drive telling you something.
“Hey, I know you like to eat all of this food, but imagine the carbs you could burn off!” And that’s why you don’t overfill yourself after a month and a half of not getting action.
Endangering Others For Your Pleasure
When it’s been over a week, you’re more than welcome to get a little creative. You have to find ways to stimulate yourself.
Apparently endangering others for your own pleasure sounds about right. You don’t care about the car you hit, just as long as you got the complete satisfaction out of it.
A Deal As Good As A Threesome
You know what’s great? The fact that he got himself such a great deal on organic foods.
There’s a chance he scored the night before too, then he woke up and had a mad craving for cantaloupe.After all, cantaloupes are a lot like mangos. Let’s just hope he didn’t start a new streak.