You’ll Want To Curl Up Into A Ball And Stay Single Forever After Reading About These Cringe-Worthy First Dates

The 21st century has changed the way we date. Baby boomers keep reminding us that love is dead, and sometimes, I believe it. Tinder and hookup culture, in general, have made it feel impossible to meet someone nice. Then once you finally put yourself out there and go on a real date, it goes downhill fast.

We’ve all had some awful first dates, but none of them compare to what these people went through. From secret girlfriends to secret psychics and everything in between. These people took to Twitter to share their cringe-worthy first dates, and we feel for them. Excuse me while I never date again and stay single forever.

That’s One Way To Admit You’re A Scumbag

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Photo credit: @MeraCole / Twitter

I used to think the tattooed wedding band trend was terrible, but this tweet has proved me wrong. Now it’s a lot harder for people to cheat on their spouses.

Before, they could simply slip the ring on and off and no one was the wiser. Now, you have to awkwardly peel off a Band-Aid and reveal your truth to the world.

With The Tortellini Chips, Please

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Photo credit: @Penn_chill / Twitter

Can you imagine the amount of confidence a person has to have to try to correct someone on a first date and be wrong?

I hope someone corrected them. If not, they’ll end up as the butt of the joke at every Mexican restaurant in town.

Don’t Tell Owen Wilson

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Photo credit: @CassieCoran / Twitter

If this guy gets to own the phrase “wow” then I get to own “cool.” No one is allowed to say “cool” around me. I own it.

This guy would have done well as an explorer the 15th century. Back then, all you had to do was point to a piece of land on a map, and it was yours.

If you’ve ever been on a date with an Internet influencer, then the story coming up will be way too relatable.

Throw Sauce In His Face

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Photo credit: @ibleedblue22__ / Twitter

Complaining that your date made you pay for the meal isn’t cringe-worthy. But if they make you pay because you left one chicken tender, that’s a whole different story.

If this happened to me, I would have happily made sure it didn’t go to waste by throwing it in their face.

Men Really Are Kids At Heart

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Photo credit: @fondblonde / Twitter

First of all, why did he take off all his clothes to play hide and seek? In a park? You risk getting poison ivy on places you definitely don’t want to be itching.

I’m not sure why this guy thought a good first date was spending hours hiding from each other, but if that’s not a red flag, then I don’t know what is.

Stunting For No One

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Photo credit: @LaRondayyyy/ Twitter

Anyone with a friend who loves to document their lives on social media knows how annoying this can be. The point of a first date is to spend time together, not spend time with all 30 of your followers.

Even if this was some weird sense of humor, save the jokes for the third or fourth date.

One user shared the story coming up as cringe-worthy, but their date sounds more like a serial killer to me.

Neither Of These Girls Have Sympathy

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Photo credit: @omgeze / @ShesSweetVenom / Twitter

Getting caught by your girlfriend mid-date is awkward enough, but crying in front of both girls is next-level cringe.

I hope that neither girl had sympathy for him and left him all alone to call his mom and cry it out. Congrats, you played yourself.

A Very Different Type of Blind Date

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Photo credit: @madscard24 / Twitter

Seriously, this sounds like something you would do if you were going to kill someone. Whether they’re a coworker or not, this is totally inappropriate on the first date.

I bet this guy probably thought he was unique or romantic, but he just came off looking like a serial killer.

Flexing For All The Wrong Reasons

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Photo credit: @Inrwandaland / Twitter

I can’t decide if this is worse than lying about renting a theatre, or not. On second thought, I think this might be more cringe-worthy.

It just proves this guy is so self-absorbed that he doesn’t care about the date or the girl, and just wants to show off to all his followers.

You won’t see this next cringe-worthy date coming, and the psychic that was on it probably didn’t see it ending so quickly.

No Words

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Photo credit: @Kyatic / Twitter

I have absolutely no words to describe how insanely inappropriate this is. The original tweet went on to describe the play, and it’s just as bad as you think.

In it, men arrive at a bar all upset for different reasons. One got divorced, one was cheated on, but they’re all angry. Then the play ends by them all following a drunk girl home. Not. Okay.

Vampire In Disguise

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Photo credit: @flat_snake / Twitter

Getting it on for the first time with someone new is always a little awkward, but this would definitely have been a reason to end the night.

This might be an innocent mistake, but it could also have been on purpose. My money is that they’re a closet vampire.

Did He See A Second Date In Their Future?

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Photo credit: @kate_ward94x / Twitter

If you’re a psychic that can see dead people, then that should probably be something you tell the other person early during the date. Maybe don’t wait until dead people show up to share that information.

My sixth sense knows the quickest route to get out of that restaurant and as far away as possible.

What do cocaine, blood, and a first date all have in common? It’s easy to say no to drugs after reading this first date story coming up.

Don’t. Hate. On. Bey.

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Photo credit: @MILKY_DAH_DIVA / @BeeBabs / Twitter

People will argue this isn’t cringe-worthy, and the Bey Hive will tell them they’re wrong. It’s totally okay to have different opinions on musicians, but don’t cross Beyonce lovers.

The Bey Hive was tame until Beyonce released LEMONADE. Now they all have personalized Hot Sauce baseball bats and are screaming “Boy bye.”

Apparently, That $10 Movie Ticket Won’t Cut It

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Photo credit: 5RVM2 / Twitter

This is the definition of a girl who is looking for a sugar daddy. Apparently, she doesn’t care about making any real connection, and just wants people to spoil her.

If anything, this cringe-worthy moment was the perfect warning sign. At least he figured out what he was getting into before it went too far.

Say No To Drugs

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Photo credit: @Jec91 / Twitter

I don’t even think Dave Chappelle’s crack character Tyrone Biggums would be bold enough to show up on a first date and offer to teach the other how to take drugs.

This guy obviously wasn’t in his right mind, because no sane (or sober) person would think this is okay.

Theres only one possible scenario that would make this next date okay. Something tells me it didn’t work out.

Maybe He Was Trying To See If They Like The Same Music

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Photo credit: @kallieforniuh / @marriedatthemol / Twitter

The only time this is okay is if your ex is Elvis Presley and they returned from the dead to record a single. If they’re not Elvis, then playing your ex’s song on a first date is never okay.

In reality, she was probably a Soundcloud artist that nobody has ever heard of.

Not The Ice Breaker You Were Hoping For

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Photo credit: @gsanchez_writes / Twitter

Even the most boring icebreaker would be better than this. I’d rather have someone ask me what I think about the weather than make up a story about my birthmark.

But kudos to this guy for outing himself and admitting he was the reason someone had a cringe-worthy date.

It’s Easier To End A Date Than Start A Fight

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Photo credit: @herbivorous / Twitter & Eduardo Munoz Alvarez / VIEWpress / Corbis / Getty Images

This tweet leaves a lot to the imagination, and that’s what makes it so cringe-worthy.

We don’t know if the guy started the fight or if he was defending himself. Something tells me the Tweeter wouldn’t have mentioned the story if it had been simple self-defense.

Watch Your Back As You Run Away From That Date

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Photo credit: @PsycheNicole / Twitter

I take it all back. The person with the burst blood vessel wasn’t dating a secret vampire, this person was. It’s one thing to casually have an amulet of blood, but to wear it on your first date with someone else is extra cringe.

Run as far away as possible and be sure to wear garlic around your neck for the next few weeks, just to be safe.

A Carriage And First Date Fit For A Princess

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Photo credit: @SammyParky / Twitter

Should this even count as a date? There is nothing romantic about spending three hours window shopping for something you wouldn’t even share.

I have a feeling this girl didn’t have another way home, or else she would have left after the first hour. At that point, just buy a brand new car and get the heck out of there.