These Chinese Signs Got Lost In Translation And Definitely Aren’t Getting Found Anytime Soon

China is absolutely fascinating. If you visit it you’re bound to be left with some amazing impressions. But, sometimes things get lost in translation. I mean, we shouldn’t laugh because it’s rude but as you’re about to see, it’s nearly impossible not to.

The signs in this article are real. They’ve been rather-quickly translated, and instead of helping you get where you need to go, they’ll only have you scratching your head.

What Does That Even Mean?

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Imgur

I don’t want to know. First of all, this looks like a grocery store where people of all ages wander in.

I find the hygiene aisle can get a little bit wonky with the products it sells, but I can’t even begin to imagine what would be in the “A Time Sex Thing” aisle.

That’s All Garbage

You know what? I don’t know the dictionary definition of the word “garbage”, but if it had something to do with poisonous, evil rubbish I’m all in.

I love that definition. Now, when you call someone garbage, they’re not only gross, but they’re poisonous and evil. That hits way harder.

Stupid Bean Sprouts

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Imgur

So I have a few issues with this translation. First of all, if I’m about to eat a dish that doesn’t specify the meat, it’s a red flag.

Like, is it roadkill? Is it skunk? I’ve heard rabbit is good — is it Peter Rabbit? Also, I take offense to stupid bean sprouts. They’re actually smart.

I Don’t Want To Know

No. No one HAS to burn. If I’m in a restaurant and read this, I’m backing away slowly toward the door and sprinting as soon as I hit it.

The only people who say someone HAS to burn are serial killers. I don’t want to make any assumptions, but I think McDonald’s will suffice tonight.

How Is That Cooked?

I’ve heard of potato skins, potato chips, heck, even potato potatoes. But, I can’t say that I’ve ever seen “Potato the crap” on any menu before.

I’m just going to go out on a limb and assume that the chef in this restaurant doesn’t like making potatoes so he made it as unappetizing as possible.

I Have So Many Questions

I don’t want to know, but I really do want to know. Missing foot? I feel like instead of just making a sign we should be calling the forensic unit.

I mean, call me old fashion, but I don’t want to be tripping over a severed foot on a sidewalk.

Make Sure It’s Medium Rare

Okay, if you haven’t thought about killing your spouse at some point in your marriage, are you really in love?

It’s those times when they leave the toilet seat up, or when you have to watch the same chick-flick for the 100th time that week. There are thoughts of cooking them up in a dish like this.

If You’re Going To Fall, Fall Lightly

Look, I like people who live in reality. The reality is, you’re probably going to fall. Sorry, it’s true.

So, if you’re going to take a tumble, you might as well do it carefully and with lots of safety precautions. This sign is needed in every playground around the world.

What Did They Do To You?

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There’s a reason to hate a lot of things in this world. Unfortunately, it’s not all rainbows and roses. There are a lot of frustrations that get on our nerves.

But, what did vegetables do? Did a carrot slap you in the face? I just feel like this negative energy can get directed toward something else.

It’s A Surprise

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I kind of like this. Sometimes when you’re looking at a menu and you don’t know what you want, it’s just easier to make the employee decide.

Every restaurant should have a “whatever” option where they just surprise you with a dish they think you would like. I think it has a future.

I Don’t Want To Know The Filling

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I’ve heard of dumplings before, but I’ve never heard of dumping. In fact, I don’t know that I ever wanted to hear of dumping.

I think that I’m just going to stick to my beef or cheese dumplings and skip out on whatever the filling of the dumping is. Ew.

Fried Ear, No Thanks

Imgur / joshbateman
Imgur / joshbateman

So, I feel like I’m burying the lede of this picture. Yes, the cat ear is absolutely gross. I don’t want to be taking away Puss in Boots’ ability to hear correctly.

But, if you take a gander over to the other dish, it’s even more confusing. I think someone should call Child Protective Services.

Public Pool Danger

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Saving water, you are the best. I agree. Flushing at the right time (so that it doesn’t splash back at you) you are the best, I agree.

Protecting public property, you’re the best. I also agree. But, urinating in the pool — no, you’re the worst. We have to swim in that water. Yuck.

No Bubblewrap Allowed

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Most of us live our lives being afraid of everything. Fear just cripples our ability to want to do anything adventurous.

We should all be living like this day is going to be our last. So, we need to be afraid of safety and embrace, uh, un-safety. Right? I think.

Yeah, That’s Bizarre

Imgur / dingdongdang
Imgur / dingdongdang

This sign was found in the bathroom. I don’t know though, I don’t fully agree. If you’re single, you should be trying to look like a snack.

You want people to froth at the mouth just looking at you. “I could eat him” is something I want to hear when I’m roaming the mall.

Or Don’t

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Okay, so I don’t know if the context of this sign was clearly lost in translation. But, there are a few places that this translation could actually work.

For example, a massage parlor. You don’t want to be giving yourself a back massage. You want to wait for the professional. Oh boy, that could’ve gone into some weird directions.

Well That’s Weird

Imgur / offbeatchina
Imgur / offbeatchina

I feel like there are way more fun and inclusive parks that you could go to. For example, technically, Disney is a theme PARK.

I’m not a scientist, but I do think that Disney is going to be more fun than this racist park. There are directions to the exit. Use them.

Weird Flex, But Okay

Imgur / chinawhisperer
Imgur / chinawhisperer

You must always respect these yellow caution signs. They’re most commonly to warn you that the floor is wet, but I guess they also warn you about executions.

These are binding agreements. If you go past them, you risk getting severely hurt. Too many people slip and fall because they discard the yellow sign.

Reverse Psychology

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This sign is doing some serious reverse psychology. The person who made this must’ve been going for the “people only drink and drive because it’s illegal and ‘cool'”.

So, if they encourage drinking and driving, they feel like no one is going to do it because there’s no rush anymore.

How To Scare A Vegan

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This might be a nightmare for a vegan, knowing that the grass that they eat actually can dream.

I don’t know what a vegan is going to eat if they can’t use their front lawn as their main source of grub anymore. God forbid you bite the head off of a piece of grass.