These Doctors Are So Funny That They’ll Probably Make Your Heart Stop, But Like, They Know CPR

Let’s face it, no one likes going to the doctor or dentist. I mean, that’s basically just a fact of life. You pay taxes, you have to drink water, and you’re going to hate your doctor or dentist.

But, times are changing. The medical profession is catching onto this hate trend (finally) and are incorporating more humor into their profession. I’m not going to lie, I wish the doctors and dentists in this article were mine.

Oversharing Is Caring

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When your new doctor wants to know a little bit about you, it’s important to overshare significantly.

They need to know that you have lots of kids, grandkids and great grandkids, which all contribute to your stress. They also need to know that you’re a big Bud Light girl because, well, health.

I Could’ve Used Some Of This

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It’s very common for little kids to not be able to sleep because they think a monster is hiding under their bed.

This doctor perfectly alleviates that fear by giving some monster spray, which is perfect for destroying the Boogieman. Monsters are terrifying when you’re younger. I hated them.

“But Dr. Oz Said…”

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We’ll get into internet diagnosis very shortly, but TV ones are just as bad. People who walk in claiming they already know what’s wrong with them because of Dr. Oz are incredibly annoying.

I speak as if I have any experience dealing with them, which I don’t, but a man can dream.

Doc Coming In Hot With The Puns

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I mean, if you’re going to write a doctor’s note, you might as well make it funny. For example, if your patient has a leg injury, you could write “she simply does not want to leg out this work day”.

I think I picked the wrong profession. Are there professional doctor note writers?

I Disagree Wholeheartedly

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If you were like me when you were younger and lived with health-freak parents, you never got a lollipop.

You never got to enjoy the sweet candies of the world. If you would’ve asked me if I would’ve traded being sick for a couple days going to town on a big lolli, I’d take the lick fest.

Doctors Of The Future

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I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this is what doctors are going to look like in the future.

You’re going to be talking to a screen on a clothing hanger. Either that, or you’re going to be Skyping with an actual doctor who is still laying in bed with chip crumbs on his chest.

Diagnosis With A View

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I don’t know why, but looking at this picture makes me very uneasy. I feel like this would be the chair of an evil doctor making his patient stare at freedom that they can’t have.

Maybe that’s the horror movie lover in me, but these windows are just making me queasy.

The Secret Stash

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You know what goes really well with a crappy diagnosis? A Twix bar. You know what goes well with the news that you’re blood sugar is at a good level? Starburst.

I wonder if this drawer is directly under the one with all of the needles? Actually, I don’t want to know that.

Straight To The Point

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This doctor got straight to the point. The amount of alcohol-related injuries and illnesses that a doctor must have to see would be insane.

At the end of the day, there’s one simple solution to not smashing your head on the curb — just stop drinking two bottles of wine.

If Sméagol Can Look Good So Can You

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This is the perfect before and after to have at your orthodontist’s place. If he can make Sméagol from The Lord Of The Rings look good, then he can make you look good.

He goes from looking like he’s craving “the precious” to being on his way to steal your girl.

A Little Pregnancy Humor

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As a male, I can’t imagine having to give birth. Just the thought of it makes me shudder in pain. I mean, yes, I don’t even have the parts to do it so that could be a reason.

But, even from an objective standpoint, the idea that a human comes out of your body is pretty scary.

This Is Comforting

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You do have to admit that this is a bit comforting. Waiting in the ER surrounded by other sick and hurt people is depressing.

First of all, you feel sick. Second of all, you have to sit there for three hours listening to a mother trying to comfort her screaming baby.

You Walk In And See Your Dentist Like This…

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This guy does anything to make the appointment better. I can’t think of anything worse than having to go to the dentist. It’s literally awful.

There’s no good that comes from your dentist jabbing your gums with medieval-style weapons and then getting mad at you for bleeding. Sorry doc, I don’t usually stab myself with a sword.

Web MD Will Be The Death Of Us

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I don’t know about you, but I’m the worst for this. As soon as I have a sore throat or a cough, I google the symptoms.

According to Web MD, I’ve had Lou Gehrig’s disease, toe cancer, elbow cancer, and throat cancer. I’ve also had lordosis, seventy-two lung diseases and fifty-four types of the bird-flu.

Tomato, Tomat-toe

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Look doc, it’s a cold to me. Have you ever been sitting in a doctor’s office and they hit you with the medical term for a common virus?

Like, yeah sorry, you have hepto-bronical-death-virus. And you’re sitting there thinking you have five days to live but really it’s just another way of saying you have a sore throat.

Run Far Away

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I don’t know about you, but I’m calling the police. Look, it’s obvious that cats are trying to take over the world and by the looks of it, it’s working.

This cat will probably poison you on purpose to accelerate the process and take us back to ancient Egypt when they ruled the world. Just wait.

This Isn’t Just A Stereotype

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This is sadly not just a stereotype. It’s almost as if a prerequisite to being a doctor is that you have to have the writing of a three-year-old.

If you’re not looking at the prescription sheet your doctor gave you at the pharmacy trying to figure out what it spells, you don’t have a true doctor.

Let The Doctor Do The Jokes

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If you’ve ever been to the doctor with your dad, you’ve probably heard him try to crack some jokes.

None of them work, but he continues to try anyway. In fact, with every joke that’s supposed to ease the mood, it actually just makes it tenser. Dad jokes and doctor offices don’t mix.

Makes Time Pass

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Honestly, we’ve all been there. An hour goes by in your shift and it feels like eight. The clock is going slower than a turtle in slow motion.

So, you have to make some games to pass the time. Sometimes that means playing a hospital-tailored game of bingo. I’m all for it.

This Is True

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I do have to give a special shout out to the nursing community. Yes, they’re often portrayed in a last-minute Halloween costume, but they also go underappreciated.

They’re the ones who end up spending the most time with the patient, and often times, they’re the ones who end up creating a solid relationship with them.