Exodus International, Narth, Gay Cure? Try C.A.S.H.

WARNING!!!: Belinda Hogjowl is challenging me in the next Bringing Integrity To Christian Homemaker's election. Find out the truth about this candidate! You owe it to yourself and your Lord! >Click HERE!!!

TESTIMONIES!!!

Traditional-families Raging Against Sluts & Homos BULLETIN - October 1998 New Former Gay Ministry is a Hit! "Christians Are Saving Homosexuals" Proves to be a Revenue Bonanza! Gross Receipts Up 450%!! What is C.A.S.H? C.A.S.H. is our new and super-successful former-gay ministry. TRASH's new program, "Christians Are Saving Homosexuals," guarantees it will turn even the swishiest drag queen into a "Former Gay" suitable for marriage and, more importantly, fund-raising mailers! And in just 4 short weeks! CASH will give you the former-homosexual you need to raise the CASH that you want, pronto! Guaranteed! I mean to tell you, Christians Are Saving Homosexuals is showing wonderful results in turning the tide on these horribly arch gay people, teaching them that an ability to discern subtle differences between 2,700 shades of tawny-taupe cannot alone be effectively parlayed into a Godly existence. What are C.A.S.H.'s Goals? Christians Are Saving Homosexuals' has only two goals: (1) To turn confused, unmarketable people, whose lives don't matter much anyway, into profitable attention-getting publicity machines who will finally contribute to society and the economy by increasing church fundraising!; and (2) To provide artistic husbands to women who become flummoxed when arranging flowers, picking complementary fabrics for lining drapes, need help when it comes to choosing furniture or throw pillows, or have historically ruined otherwise suitable outfits by slipping on the wrong pair of shoes. How Does The C.A.S.H. Miracle Occur? Libby-Lorraine is leading these aesthetically-overloaded lost lambs back into the bosom of our Savior Jesus and is using a method as old as religion itself - coercive torture. Libby-Lorraine told me, "Nancy, I have to say, I just know the Holy Sprit is in the room with us watching each and every slide!" Libby-Lorraine was referring to the slides that she shows as part of CASH's treatment to lift the shackles of perversity off these hyper-groomed men. The therapy is ingenious! Libby-Lorraine shows a series of slides of graphic sexual acts to all these hair-dresser/florist types. When a slide depicts two (sometimes more!!!!) men together, an electric current generated by Libby-Lorraine's vacuum cleaner is run through the men's genitalia. When the picture shows a normal couple engaged in normal activities (to my mind, many of these slides were in questionable taste but Libby-Lorraine assured me that all couples are married Christians, though some appeared to be alarmingly foreign), a score of heterosexual prostitutes that the Ministry flew in from the Philippines (as part of our Outreach Program) services each of the men as positive reinforcement. The wonderful thing is that these effeminate men WANT to change! I asked Libby-Lorraine, "Have we seen ANY change in these misfits?" Libby-Lorraine told me: "Yes, I've noticed that several of the men - especially those who wear those leather pants and hats - have complained that the voltage is way too low." See? Even they want to be saved! Hallelujah! How great art He! How Do I C.A.S.H.-In On These Former Gays? Call me, Mrs. Bowers, about licensing the use of some of these Former Gays for your next revival or fundraiser. You can participate in C.A.S.H.'s new Prophet Sharing Incentive Program with licensing agreements as high at THIRTY PERCENT!*

TESTIMONIES!!!

Jesus Gave Me The One Thing I Lacked: Cachet! by David A. Dial

I am no longer even tempted by vile homosexuality! By William E. Dorris

When I Am Weak, Then Am I Strong, by Randy Hafer

I left My Boyfriend for Jesus, by Luther P. House

* Void in connection with other C.A.S.H. promotions and available only to those Client Ministries that sign four-year contracts to license no less than ten (10) former-gays. No return, pro-rata or otherwise, of fees for former-gays who lapse or otherwise embarrass Client Ministry. Client Ministry assumes full responsibility should supplied former-gay revert back to dressing as the opposite gender or performing ungodly acts on their own gender during the life of the license agreement. C.A.S.H. reserves the right to void license to Client Ministry should it receive a better written offer at any time. C.A.S.H. reserves all rights to market licensed former-gays to all media, including, but not limited to, the Jerry Springer Show. [back]

The CASH site (including the testimonials), as is so often the case with purported former-gay ministries, is a work of fiction. None of the characters or events depicted represents actual persons or events. Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is unintended and purely coincidental.

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