Which Religion is Right for My Complexion?
. . . and other answers to reader's questions.

Out of the mouths of babes . . .
You MUST check out our fabulous religion typing computer created by our own registered criticians! And it's FREE! Thanks to the anonymous reader whose questions inspired the creation of this long awaited device. We'll be answering reader's questions this month and send a big smooch to all of you that wrote in.

1. Which religion is right for my complexion?

[Try the Netscape 4 (dynamic) version!]

This question is so complex and important that we've developed an interactive religion-typing computer to provide a religion custom-typed to your complexion. Please use and enjoy this new FREE feature!

2. Are boxers or briefs the path to spiritual enlightenment?

Is it fashionable and spiritual to shave my pussy?

I'm afraid the Bible is quite clear on this issue. In Leviticus 21:5 there is the commandment, "They shall not make baldness upon their head, neither shall they shave off the corner of their beard."

There is, however, a loophole. Christ came to fulfill the law. "For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth." Romans 10:4 (good buddy). So if you have accepted Jesus as your personal shopper I refer you to Romans 14:14:

I know, and am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth any thing to be unclean, to him it is unclean.

Paul goes on to say that whatever you do, do it unto the Lord, with Jesus in mind. In this particular case, while trimming or shaving your beard, this is sound advice. You do NOT want your mind wandering while sharp objects are near your nether lips.

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Are boxers or briefs the path to spiritual enlightenment?

The Bible is pretty flexible when it comes to the question of foundations but it seems that the general preference is for boxers. The term 'boxer' is an invention of the twentieth century and was unknown in ancient times. The biblical term 'sackcloth' is the ancient equivalent of 'boxers'. One does see, however, the term 'girdle' throughout the old testement and this was probably a primitive form of 'briefs'.

In II Kings 1:8 we read, 'girt with girdle of leather about his loins.'

In Ezekiel 44:18 'have linen breeches on their loins.'

And again, in Daniel 10:5, we see a foreshadowing of Christian LaCroix, or perhaps Versace, 'loins were girded with fine gold.'

So we see that there is a fair amount of lattitude concerning underwear. The only warning we recieve has to do with the Speedo or 'thong'. In Acts 22:24-25 we see Paul involved in a particularly kinky scene.

The chief captain commanded him to be brought into the castle, and bade that he should be examined by scourging, that he might know wherefore they cried so against him. And as they bound him with thongs, Paul said unto the centurion that stood by, Is it lawful for you to scourge a man that is a Roman, and uncondemned?

So although today we see men in Speedos on beaches the world over, it is obviously NOT something condoned by the Bible. And Italians, with their innate fashion sense had actually made it illegal for one Roman to humiliate another by dressing him thus. We need desperately to return to biblical values that forbad the wearing of Speedos.

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