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Witnessing
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The Week in
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Accepting Jesus Christ
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Accessorizing
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Holy Spirit
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Accessorizing with the Gifts of the Holy Spirit
Once you have made the decision to accept Jesus Christ as your own personal shopper you are entitled to free gifts. The most popular gifts, and the ones we are featuring this season, are healing, prophesying and speaking in tongues. We've listed the entire line of spiritual products in the passage below.
To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and [s/]he gives them to each one, just as [s/]he determines.I Corinthians 12:8-11
Tongue and Groove
The other day I noticed a very plain young woman, wearing shapeless clothing, with lifeless, stringy hair, no makeup and a bland expression standing among a group of men. I watched, wondering how this little drabula attracted so much male attention. Then she spoke, in tongues! French! Suddenly, under the aura of her Parisian accent, she was transformed. Everything about her style became intentional and trés chic. And the men were lapping it up! Such is the power of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, the ultimate fashion accessories.
Now tongues can either be "of men" or "of angels." If you've ever listened to televangelist Robert Tilton you've heard the "of angels" variety and all I have to say is, don't depend on this to carry an iffy outfit. However, nothing updates last season's castoffs quite like a few choice foreign phrases. My advice is to start slowly. When someone asks you a question, look slightly puzzled, touch your fingers to your breast and pout audibly, "Moi?"1
From there, pepper the end of your statements with "N'est ce pas?"2 If you're feeling adventurous try my catch all, "Pas ce soir, j'ai mal a la tête."3 I've learned this phrase in a dozen languages and it has served me well in all my travels.
SPECIAL NOTE: Don't worry about being 'found out' by the French. They won't listen to you anyway. And impressing French people is beyond the scope of my expertise.
What a Trend We Have in Jesus
The gift of prophecy finds its most daring manifestation in couture. It's said that the greatest fashion designers turn to the streets for their inspiration. That means you, cherie. Dare to be all-wrong.
Years ago I was amazed, while riding the 30 Stockton bus in San Francisco, how Asian women could mix patterns. They wore these fabulous polyester jackets in plaids and flowered patterns with oppositionally patterned pants. Incroyable!4 (See how it works?) And now Miucca Prada is everywhere.
Usually prophesying brings to mind the likes of Oral Roberts extorting $8 million from his congregation with the threat that if he didn't get the money God would kill him.5 But there's more to it than that. The gift of prophecy is simply inspiration with the ovaries to back it up. Have a vision! Live it! Be confident, be out. And don't threaten people, that's so déclassé.6
When Love Hurts, Stilletto Heals
Most people equate faith healing with such as televangelist Benny Hinn, blowing on people or knocking people over with his hands. But is it healing, or simply sloppy grooming, halitosis and chronic b.o.? It's hard to say. Let's take a look at how most faith healers present themselves publically. Would you trust someone who can't negotiate a combover, or properly wield a lip pencil, to minimize the dark circles under YOUR eyes? Mais non!7
The first line of defense in spiritual healing is the make-over. It's been estimated the 90%8 of human ailments are caused by poor grooming and bad lighting. Your job, as a spiritual healer is to make people feel better and the most effective way to do that is with a sincere compliment. And if you can't find anything nice to say about someone, start writing to me.
Do You Believe in Love?
In the Bible Paul tells us that greater than these three gifts - tongues, prophecy and healing - (and I'm quite fond of tongues - at least when I'm on the receiving end) - is love. Love is trés haute9 and like the color black, is always in fashion. So no matter what you're wearing don't forget that the gifts of the Holy Spirit will always make an outfit. And they're FREE.
Do you have a fashion question you'd like to ask?