Accepting Christ as Your Personal Shopper, with Poppy Dixon

The use of metaphors has helped many people personalize their relationship with God, hence 'God is My Co-pilot,' 'Jesus CEO,' 'God is My Booking Agent,' 'Christ Was an Ad Man,' 'God is My Broker,' and even, 'God is My Co-defendant.' (1) But these themes don't speak to me, or others like me. For this reason I've written,

'Accepting Jesus Christ as Your Own Personal Shopper.'

First let's talk about personal shoppers. A good one is always there for you, they know everything about you from your shoe size to how much water you retain during that certain time of the month. They understand your desires, ambitions, fears and insecurities. They're acquainted with all of your limitations and are dedicated to making you look as good as you can.

That's exactly what Jesus does!

Why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?...for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Matthew 6:28-33

all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags.

Isaiah 64:6

Standing therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness.

Ephesians 6:14

Foundation garments, definitely! And I do believe that Jesus may have been speaking obliquely about underwire bras when, in Matthew 7, he told the parable of a woman building her house upon sand, rather than on rock. The ravages of time, winds, rains, and don't forget gravity, dragged the unsupported house down while the supported house remained. Many people completely miss the subtle meaning of this passage.

The word brassiere, or bra, is a twentieth-century construction. In the past they were simply referred to as 'breastplates.' And in Revelations 9:17 we read of 'breastplates of fire, and jacinth.' Jacinth is a reddish-orange variety of zircon, so what we have here is one fabulous bustier! Madonna is SO Old Testament.

And we are to 'girt our loins with truth.' This says to me, 'form-fitting,' even 'tight,' definitely body conscious. Work it, girl! Later, in this same section, Paul refers to himself as 'the ambassador in chains,' but let's not GO there. That's his fashion statement, not ours.

So, if you're ready to make a committment to looking your absolute best at all times, join with me in the following prayer:

Dear Jesus,

I believe in you and invite you into my heart and into my life as my own personal shopper. I know that my style of dress offends thee and ask you to guide me in all of my apparel decisions.

signed:
dated:
(Use "charge" button at end of page)

Now that you've made this committment you will need the support of others like you. This is called 'fellowship.' It's very important that you find a shopping center or mall near you and spend time there every week. Devote a half hour each day to watching fashion on E! and reading glamour magazines. Find a well-dressed (a true) Christian to take you under her wing and act as a mentor.

Do you have a fashion question you'd like to ask?

(Use "charge" button at end of page)

Answers to last month's queries

Confidential to "Homebound":
Is this your first offense, darling? When under house arrest, your stockings always go UNDER, not OVER, the police monitoring device attached to your ankle. And remember, if your monitoring device is white, have it exchanged for a fall color BEFORE September 1. You don't want to get caught breaking the law again.

Confidential to "Nature Girl":
Sorry, just because your sins are forgiven doesn't mean you are allowed to stop plucking those hairs from around your nipples.

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Notes:
1. Robert L., Jr. Scott, God is My Co-pilot (Buckeye Aviation Book Co., 1989),
Laurie Beth Jones, Jesus CEO (Hyperion, 1995),
Leo Wright, Kevin Lambert, God is My Booking Agent (Cassell Academic, 1997),
Robert C. Pritikin, Christ was an Ad Man (Harbor Publishing, 1980),
Ty, Christopher Taylor Buckley, John Marion Tierney, God is My Broker, (Random House, 1998),
God is My Co-defendant (Several Christian felons are litigating over the right to this title.)