Miss Velma's
Fountain of Youth

The Funeral of Eldridge Cleaver & The Vagaries of Miss Velma's Universal World

Eldridge Cleaver's Memorial

Eldridge Cleaver with son, Maceo, and daughter, Joju

Last month I wrote a piece, Cellmates of the Lord, which included a section on Eldridge Cleaver. A couple of weeks later Cleaver died of a heart attack. I learned more about him from his obituaries and was privileged to attend his funeral.

Cleaver was adept at coining phrases and claims the statement, "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem," as his own. In 1979 Cleaver founded "Cleaver Crusade for Christ" a take-off on the legalistic religious sect "Campus Crusade for Christ." Later he created "Christlam" which contained an inner group called "Guardians of the Sperm."

Cleaver's last appearance was at the Interfaith Earth Day Conference in Portland, Oregon on April 18th of this year. In his speech he rambles about putting violent criminals on the moon but ends with the insightful,

...we have a lot of talk today about weapons of mass destruction,...nuclear weapons, chemical and biological weapons but the most awesome weapons of mass destruction are the theologies and ideologies of the world. It is the theologies and ideologies of the world that pull the triggers on the guns. So we have got to get away from all of that and we have got to look each other in the eye, talk to each other, reason with each other and make the right decisions as we go into the Promised Land.

Eldridge Cleaver with Bobby Hutton

His funeral was held on Saturday, May 9th at Wesley United Methodist Church in South Central Los Angeles. Wesley is the oldest (110 years) black church in the country west of the Mississippi. The church was full of all kinds of people including large contingents of clergy and Black Panthers. The cameras and networks were set up in the back balcony. The Crenshaw High School choir sang throughout and they were truly amazing. Speakers included ex-wife Kathleen Cleaver and Geronimo ji Jaga (née Pratt) recently released from prison. The diversity of views, and the respect accorded each, was impressive. No one sugar-coated the life of Eldridge Cleaver but it was obvious that he was a man loved by those close to him, despite his flaws.

That morning in San Francisco 22 Evangelical Methodist ministers threatened to leave the church with their congregations because "evangelical theology is incompatible with the dominant values of tolerance and inclusion held by the [Methodist] conference leadership." At the funeral of Eldridge Cleaver, in a Black church in the heart of South Central Los Angeles, a Black Methodist minister stood up and talked about the need for Christians, Jews, Muslims and those of all religions to work and live together. Whatever the sins of Eldridge Cleaver, the people that gathered to wish him farewell exhibited a true Christianity that I have rarely seen elsewhere.

That was Saturday, Sunday was a completely different experience.

Miss Velma and the Universal World Church
Bob Schwartz of The Jesus Seminar had encouraged us to check out Miss Velma and the Universal World Church. We'd received a church flyer which featured photos of the altars and were excited by the decor. We hoped that the sermon would be equally ideosyncratic. Our hopes were quickly dashed.

The church has existed at 123 North Lake Street near downtown Los Angeles for almost 47 years. Miss Velma and Dr. O. Lee Jaggers run the show. The only thing disturbing about seeing so many elderly people under one roof was the level of their desperate denial. The church proposes that their members need never age nor die. This is illustrated by their appallingly bad rugs, juvenile dress, and Elaine Benes-style dancing in the aisles, sans shoes.

Miss Velma plays good cop to Dr. Jaggers' bad cop. Miss Velma is a diminutive healer, swathed in angelic lame and chiffon. Dr. Jaggers is a grumpy, avuncular ranter. He raged for over an hour about the need for the congregation to sacrifice to build the Holiest of Holies by the year 2000 or "God won't hear your prayers." If the Holiest of Holies wasn't built, he claimed, "I want to die." Coincidentally, the Holiest of Holies is the building that they occupy. Then he picked his nose - TWICE! I kid you not.

The sermon was accompanied by the choir, led by Dr. Galen Harris who also produces their not-bad web site. Dr. Galen Harris is a cross between Lawrence Welk, Liberace and Elvis with the tiniest bit of Cab Calloway thrown in. There were a scant eight members in the choir backed up by a pianist, bass guitar, drummer and canned music. It was well executed group karaoke. Dr. Harris would pull the slider down on the muzak whenever the Jaggers would speak adding to the disjunctiveness of the experience.

At the end of the sermon the congregation was invited up to be anointed by both the Jaggers. Dr. O. Lee was anointing from the "Horn of Healing," Miss Velma from some fountain of youth thingy. They stood in front of the altar, an amazing installation of glass, mirrors, gold leaf and doo dads. From where we sat it looked like spray painted macaroni, the color of fresh Velveeta. To the left of the altar was a massive golden eagle, claws extended. Seven spinning, jewel-encrusted globes, decorated with Christmas tree lights spun on stage. Behind the band was a huge sequined American flag.

It would have been vastly entertaining had it not been accompanied with such vulgar pleas for funds and barely-veiled threats. I mean really, how much does a can of gold spray paint cost?

Miss Velma's is definitely worth a visit, but you'll need a stiff drink afterwards, so plan accordingly.

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