In memory of Saint Teresa of Avila, an ardent fan of fashion and trashy novels.

Christian fashion is almost as elusive as Christian charm. For the most part it consists of a number of ill-conceived T-shirts, some of the most charmingly naive are offered by Chick Publications and sport illustrations of angels pitching humans into the lake of fire (see below). Other than that there is priestly wear and chastity belts, nearly mutually exclusive garments.

The Bible is painstakingly clear about the attire of priests, yet after the destruction of the temple in 70 AD most priests opted for traditional Roman garb, which the pope still wears today. The (fabulous) hat is a throwback to pagan goddess traditions where the fish was worshipped as a female symbol. The mitred hat mimics the profile of a fish with lips pointed heavenward.

Since Roman times most clergy have adapted outdated formal, or outer, wear as dress for service. The surplice, the white smock-like thing, was worn over fur undergarments in the cold, dank, winter church services of Europe. It had to be roomy enough to allow movement with the bulky clothing underneath. The cassock, the long black priest's coat, appeared later, adapted from outer wear of an earlier era. (1)

It was the Catholics that spun the tale of the Virgin Mary being impregnated through her ear. And it was the belief in this tale that gave us the traditional uniform of nuns, with ears fully covered against the transmission of air-born spermatazoa. The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence fondly refer to these contraptions as "ear brassiers."

Although women preachers were fewer, they were no less influential and adapted contemporary clothing to their needs. During the first world war, stump preacher Aimee Semple McPherson needed a new dress but couldn't afford the $18 price tag. With only $7 to her name she prayed. Her answer was that as a servant of God she should wear the dress of a servant. So for $5 she bought two white maid's uniforms and wore those and a second hand military cape to all her services until her relocation to Los Angeles. (2)

"When I get into something, I like to do it well. I believe in quality, and I believe in equality. I like to call the shots because it makes me feel in charge of my own destiny. I'm free to make my own decision, it's important to make the right choice."

Chastity as Fetish
Chastity, U.S.A. (3) mailed their catalog of chastity belts and t-shirts in the mid-nineties. Worn OVER, not under, your clothes these belts and keys, for both women and men, were an outward sign to anyone nearby that the wearer was saving themselves for marriage. Constructed mainly of leather, the belts sported intricate hardware, rivets (or studs), tassels, chains, clamps, "o" and "d" rings and often an unusual opening high in the front suspiciously similar to those on harnesses designed to hold in place "prosthetic devices."

Fetish wear in Christianity has a long history. Sir Thomas More wore a hairshirt continually after his conversion. Filthy, itchy, unsanitary and crawling with vermin a hairshirt was worn as a continual reminder of the suffering of Christ and the unworthiness of the wearer. Today most Christians simply resort to wearing patches as symbols acknowledging the sufferings of Christ. The patches pictured here (4) refer to 1) Peter's denial of Christ when the cock crowed, 2) communion and the garden of Gethsemane, 3) the whipping of Jesus, 4) the crown of thorn and nails, 5) the ladder and sponge used to give Jesus vinegar on the cross and 6) the robe over which the soldiers gambled.

The pattern of patch number four is similar to a mark used to identify a member of the sect Los Hermanos Penitentes, a Christian brotherhood resident in the American southwest. They practice self-flagellation, carry crosses, and are sometimes crucified during Lent. Once threatened with excommunication from the Catholic church they were reunited by Papal decree in 1947 on the condition that they reduce the severity of their practices. An initiate to the group will be sealed with three cuts on each side of the spine, which are subsequently cross-hatched to resemble crosses. (5)

The Role of Color
As far as color are concerned the liturgy commands its own significance and rests primarily on 5 colors, white, red, green, violet and black. White represents purity and is used on Christmas and January 1 (the circumcision of the Lord), Epiphany, Easter, Ascension, Trinity Sunday and the Transfiguration. Red represents fire and blood and is worn at pentacost, Luther's reformation and certain days honoring saints and martyrs. Green represents life, peace, nourishment, constancy and is worn during times without holidays and Septuagesima, Sexagesima and Quinquagesima [Editors Note: Unless these fall on a Thursday]. Violet is the color of royal mourning and penitence and is worn at Advent, Ash Wednesday, Lent Passion Sunday, Palm Sunday and Thursday in the Holy Week. Black represents darkeness and sorrow and is worn only on Good Friday and when the church is in repentance or mourning.

Summary
Christian fashion has a rich and complex history, some of which is best illustrated in the style of goth culture. But for the religious right it exists only in pastel T-shirts with appropriated commercial slogans, "Salvation, Don't leave earth without it." And then there's the "WWJD?" t-shirt, bracelet, and bumpersticker craze. What would Jesus do? Besides going after the manufacturers with a whip? Christian products are a way for reluctant followers to "witness" to others. Marketers play off this reluctance offering products as a substitute for sharing one's relationship with Christ. So whether you're shy, or were just born with an inate respect for another's point of view, t-shirts may be your answer. The Gospel Com Mall exemplifies most the horrendous sense of market driven Christian fashion with their motto: "Serving the Lord through serving His people...at the lowest prices!" Caveat emptor.

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