PostFun 1996 Predictions

1. During the filming of Holy Land Vacation Chevy Chase is born-again.
   
   
2. Tonya Harding accepts Christ, begins production of the Ice Crusades
   
   
3. Norma McCorvey begins selling Amway products.
   
   
4. Kenny G converts and crosses over to the Christian music market.
   
   

5. Martha Stewart's April issue of Living gives detailed instructions on how to wrap a corpse and whiten a sepulcher.
   
   
6. The Rapture occurs, the homeless problem is solved.
   
   
7. A high profile televangelist is indicted for fraud and income tax evasion.
   
   
8. Bill Gates has a birthmark surgically removed.
   
   
9. Arianna Huffington breaks her neck in a Landrover rollover and wears a halo for a year.
   
   
10. Congress is thrown into confusion when a rider is attached to the flag-burning amendment banning the burning of crosses.
    
    
11. Pat Buchanan wins the Republican nomination for president. God rolls over in his grave.
    
    
12. The feminists of the Republican Right hold an old-fashioned slave auction to raise funds and show that ultimately women do have control over their own destinies.
    
    
13. The Christian Coalition, encouraged by successes with the Religious Equity Amendment, begin drafting the No Green on Thursdays Amendment.