Hail Mary, by Jack Fertig
Introduction
People often ask me how could a pagan drag priest/ess from a Jewish family become a Roman Catholic? And I just wonder at times how could I not? It's really such a pagan religion. Ask any fundamentalist! We have priests in their black robes of crone drag, and the springtime resurrection of the god who died, and the elder women who gather to teach and heal.
As a child I heard from Catholic friends about saints and martyrs. Pillories, racks, fire, boiling oil, whips and flails, Sebastian pierced with arrows, Catherine on her wheel, Perpetua and Felicity fed to the lions, an unceasing variety of exquisite tortures. Saints and Martyrs. S and M. And then my Sephardic Jewish father told me all about the inquisition which our ancestors escaped. Indeed they fled, but when have I ever run from a dungeon scene?
And the drag! Did you ever see Fellini's Roma? Well, never mind, my dear, you've seen bishops and cardinals in their fancy gowns and that queen on the balcony in Rome with her BIG hat, and her BIG jewels, and you know Miss Thing has the biggest collection of porn in the world!
When I was thirteen we had a rabbi... Rabbi Singer. He was so gorgeous! And once -- on a weekend camping trip with the kids from temple -- I saw him without his shirt. !!!
Well, of course he was married and had his own kids and all I could think was -- if only we were Catholic! You know about those priests! At least I would have had a chance!
The trouble is that so many people only see those pushy closet queens with the silly rules they make for everyone else, but as I saw Catholicism by its culture:
Catholics have the better recipes and better parties. Catholics are French and Italians, Poles, Filipinos, and Mexicans. Protestants are Germans and Swedes. Even the best German operas are really Austrian. Well there was Wagner, but he was under the patronage of Ludwig II, who was not only queer but Catholic, as was all of Bavaria.
To a Calvinist sin is when you don't clean up your room. Redemption may come through striving.
To a Catholic sin is much more interesting and redemption comes through charity, love, and one of my favorites, mortification of the flesh.
Only from the Catholic mind of John Waters could have come the delicious blasphemy of Divine in Multiple Maniacs being led by the Infant of Prague to a church where Mink Stole fucked her with a rosary. Think of the stations of the cross! Think of the stations of the cross! But even that blasphemy is an epiphany for Lady Divine.
Whenever Protestants disagree they can split and one faction will start a new church. Whenever Catholics disagree -- and we generally do -- we have to allow for difference or find some basis for agreement. After all there is only One Church. Nuns demonstrate for reproductive freedom, priests can be seen at the glory holes, and the political spectrum runs from the neo-fascist Opus Dei to the ultra-progressive Pax Christi. The word "Catholic" means "universal". For every Ratzinger there is a Dorothy Day; for every Fanny Spellman there is a Thomas Merton.
And an amazing thing in modern Catholic theology is that as sexual issues are coming under greater examination we are recognizing that common perceptions and prejudices are reflections of Augustine of Hippo -- who codified the eratophobia of our Church, and sexualized original sin. (To the Jews of that and earlier millenia, the original sin had more to do with labor than with sex. This is why keeping the Sabbath day of rest is important, sex is a personal matter.) The Bible says nothing of Jesus' sex life. Despite Jewish tabus he lived in a cosmopolitan part of a large empire where different peoles had different practices. He could have been abstinent, he might have been schtupping John the Beloved, Mary Magdalene, Lazarus and/or either or both of his sisters, or anyone who'd lie still long enough. Any speculation on the sex life of Christ -- including the presumption that he had none -- is only speculation.
All this is really just introduction to a poem that came to me in Church. Some people find it blasphemous, which upsets some and delights others. I enjoy "upsetting some and delighting others," but I am more particular about my reasons and I do offer this in sincere religious devotion.
An image of the Virgin of Guadalupe (whose feast day is December 9) came to me in a workshop on spirituality and S/M. But like many visitations of Guadalupe this one was very different.
Quite some time later I was at church sitting directly in front of the statue of Mary -- a pink cheeked, pale faced, painted, polished image for middle class Irish Americans. Powerful, dark-faced images of the blessed virgin are common in other parts of the world, but Catholic Americans have had to assimilate into a Protestant mainstream, to shake off prejudices against "ruffian Irish" and "sensual Mediterraneans". Our common American Virgin Mary is a pink, petite bourgeoise -- Madonna Reed. But even so, she knows her truth. As I sat in the pew directly in front of Madonna Reed, I heard the following poem as if she were dictating it to me:
Hail Mary, full of grace
With a blue mohawk
Guadalupe came
Rings in her nipples and clit,
Labia crowned in rings.
Blessed art thou among women
At the assumption
Steel in your pussy turned to gold
Fit for the Queen of Heaven.
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus
His blood saves us,
Your blood nurtured him.
Like all mothers you cleaned his piss, washed his dick,
Wiped shit from his holy ass.
Blessed mother, pregnant child-
Bride of a cuckold groom,
Was Joseph a fag?
Were you a dyke,
Ever virgin, untouched by men?
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Baby dyke, bull dagger,
Queen of angels and anawim,
God cherishes the despised and glorifies the lowly
As surely as little shepherd boys are buggered in the fields,
Little David became a King,
Beloved of Jonathan,
Son of Saul.
Woman behold thy son, the beloved disciple John.
Did Jesus go down on him, washing his feet, licking his balls?
God made man?
Rugburners, cocksuckers, children of god,
Buttfuckers, cuntlickers, blessed are they.
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death
Amen.
© Jack Fertig
tiger@bbs.backdoor.com
19 March 1995
About the Artwork:
"Screaming Virgin," at the top of this page is a collage created by Miss Poppy Dixon from the painting, "The Coronation of the Virgin," by Gentile da Fabriano, ca. 1420 and eyes and lips from various fashion magazines.
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