With all things considered, being in a relationship is really hard work. Infidelity isn’t the only reason that couples are breaking up at a record pace, in fact, when the small problems add up it can be the deciding blow for a relationship.
From being a loud chewer to hygiene, and even outfit choices can be the straw that broke the camel’s back. With that being said, sometimes relationships don’t last because of bizarre scenarios and just straight up laziness on one person’s behalf.
Here’s a list of some relationships that are doomed to failure, and trust me, you won’t want to miss the girl who would rather date a tree than her boyfriend.
The Side Chick
This guy didn’t even get to the altar before he decided it was time to add some drama to the marriage. Most couples AT LEAST wait till the honeymoon before they start to get at each other’s throats. According to the American Psychological Association, 50% of marriages end in divorce now and this couple is well on their way.
What’s not pictured is the “DING DING DING” that rang through the church immediately following this wife’s realization. Jerry Springer then launched out of the pews with two security guards in black polos to stop the hair pulling and name calling. I’m not 100% sure this happened, but man do I hope it did.
Wrapping gifts are hard and time-consuming especially if the item that’s being wrapped in an obscure shape. There’s a reason that there are professional wrappers in every mall across America during Christmas time, it’s really frickin’ frustrating.
This individual tried their best and that’s all you can ask for. You can see the plea for forgiveness in the “love you” written in the middle of the present. The aesthetic is actually somewhat pleasing because gold and black are always a good choice. The tape also adds a sense of chaos that is warranted for this type of present, so good job.
Great With Pets
Let’s get this out of the way right off the bat, bunnies like this are kind of useless. Why are they pets? What do they do other than nibble on lettuce and make the entire house smell like a barn? The answer is simple, NOTHING.They don’t cuddle you or give you any indication that they even enjoy your presence.
This is probably not what she meant when she said, “Babe, take care of Roger while I go to the grocery store,” before leaving. Roger is certainly being taken care of but in a mafia ‘taken care of’ kind of tone. Bunnies are awful.
Has any couple who expressed their love for each other in a public bathroom stall ever worked? Find out soon.
All Bets Are Off On Vacation
Going on vacation is a time for relaxing, getting food poisoning from the half-baked lunch buffet, and cheating on your partner right in front of them apparently. Going on a vacation with someone who your in a relationship with can be a make or break test. If you can’t have fun and enjoy each other’s company while you’re soaking in the hot Cancun sun, then that’s probably a red flag.
With that, if you can’t go to a beach party without kissing other people while your girlfriend is on your shoulders that’s probably an even bigger red flag. Abort mission “Relationship” immediately.
The main problem with dating inflatable animals is that you’re dating an inflatable animal. Mark is 20 years old so this could just be a weird phase similar to a “goth phase” or a ‘gluten-free phase”. These are just moments in time while you’re trying to navigate the roller coaster of emotions that teen angst has delivered to you.
Let’s be honest though, Mark’s a player. He’s in a relationship with 15 inflatable animals while most of us can’t even get a text back. This is a recipe for disaster because it’s not possible to keep up these many strong relationships — one of them is bound to get jealous and I think it’s going to be the shark.
Bathroom Stall Relationships
We’ve all been there. The honeymoon phase of a relationship where you just want everyone to know how happy and functional you and your significant other are. You make sure you have a Sharpie handy at all times just in case you see a public washroom stall that doesn’t have your proclaimed love written somewhere inside it.
Matt and Jessica were “4ever” in this stall but Matt didn’t realize Jessica had been 4ever with Jacob just one month prior. Matt also didn’t know Jessica’s strong hate for Nickelback (his favorite band) and her willingness to comment hateful things on lead singer Chad Kreuger’s Facebook posts. Even though Matt wanted 4ever, he only got like, a month.
This “bubble bath” coming will have you a single man in a matter of seconds.
“Go Have Fun With The Guys”
Couples who constantly threaten each other are probably doomed to failure, I’m no doctor though. When you say you’re going to go for a beer with a few of the guys and she replies with “Yeah, I’m Fine” just know that a) she’s lying, she’s not fine and b) she’s already planning a passive aggressive Snapchat story intended to intimidate.
Here’s a list of things this guy would rather see when he gets home than his girl holding a pistol while insidiously smirking: A clown holding a bloody chainsaw, Charles Manson in a furry onesie, or even a 12-year-old trying to play the recorder for six hours straight.
Size Does Matter
Small is beautiful, sure, whatever that means. But, so is big. Big is maybe more beautiful because depending on the context the item just has more surface area to be majestic. For example, a big scoop of ice cream is ALWAYS more beautiful than a small one, or a big paycheck is 100% of the time more beautiful than a small one.
So, with all due respect to this guy who thinks small is beautiful, all of my research and evidence is pointing to big also being beautiful. I guess we will have to agree to disagree here.
This Relationship Is Sinking
“Can you have a bubble bath ready for me when I get home,” she says as her 10 hour work day ends. Studies show that every boyfriend to pull this off is currently single and it’s easy to see why. First of all, candles start over 15,000 house fires a year so by having eight lit candles in one spot that basically triples the likelihood of a fire, I think.
Not only is this dangerous, but it’s also impractical. You really think anyone can wash dishes with all these candles around the perimeter? If your sleeve doesn’t catch fire then you’re probably a dishwashing wizard.
How do you show you love someone but not THAT much? This guy ahead has the perfect idea-ish.
The Dog House
10 out of 10 relationships have an emergency house layout that includes the infamous “Dog House”. There are many reasons why one can get thrown into the Dog House and most of them are surefire reasons to break up. For example, putting the milk carton back into the fridge when you know it’s empty, or ‘liking’ your ex’s newest Instagram picture can both result in Dog House visits.
This couple’s DH is simple yet well thought out. Bringing the guest bed into the living room is usually the most common Dog House to be found but often times has the best results. It’s humiliating enough because it’s out in the open, yet it isn’t fully on the front porch or patio like the extreme DHs.
Thought Out Anniversary Cards
Romantic cards are overrated especially if you rely on the generic quote that houses the inside of it. No one said that writing from the heart is easy because it certainly isn’t. You want to portray the right amount of vulnerability and love which for most people takes a lot of time to perfect.
This person took a hilarious way out of having to be creative and thoughtful. They just searched for all the classic romantic sayings and compiled them into a nice document. In a way, it’s kind of like a backhanded compliment because you’re loved but only as loved as Google would allow.
This Is Not A Hint
“I love you, but not that much” is the vibe this guy is trying to give off. It’s a legitimate concern if you’re looking to buy her a ring but don’t want her getting any ideas of marriage.
It would be even more savage if he sent her a picture of a house he just bought with the caption, “MY new house, you’re not allowed to move in but I thought you’d like the brickwork.”
This woman coming up has the perfect facial expression that says “I’m too far into this relationship to quit, but, I’m done with him.”
Photoshop Fixes Every Relationship
There’s nothing worse than realizing the best you’ve ever looked was during a wedding last summer that you went to with your ex. Every picture is with them and now that you’re broken up you need a new Tinder picture but want it to be alone.
What did this girl do? Photoshopped her ex and made him into a tree which is both amazing and incredibly creative. Now, instead of being a girl who’s madly in love with her boyfriend, she’s the girl next door who loves having formal photoshoots with trees.
Some Exemptions Need To Be Made
Context is everything in life and if you haven’t realized that yet, here’s your lesson. If someone yells “FIRE” in a movie theatre than you should be worried, but if someone yells “FIRE” while listening to a rapper’s mixtape then it’s totally normal.
If you’re playing Mario Kart and someone says they hope you die, they don’t actually hope you die in real life but it’s a way to express their desire to win. Similarly, if your boyfriend yells “We’re breaking up if you lay another banana peel” he doesn’t mean it — he just wants to win.
Dad Is Being Embarrassing Again
This facial expression says it all. Not only does this dad look like the most adventurous Pokemon bug catcher, but he’s well rehearsed in the art of embarrassing his wife. “Honey, I’m just watering the trees,” he probably yelled back while chuckling to himself.
How many times has he seen this face? Three, four, fives times a day? He’s the dad that brings a stink bomb to a movie theatre just to see people’s reactions, or even worse — he’s probably the short shorts wearing dad.
How far are people willing to go to prove they’ve friend zoned someone? This girl coming up goes awkwardly far.
Floor Seats Only
You can be assured that this was a hint to her boyfriend that she’s not impressed with the seats. He thought going to the basketball game would be a fun date that was bulletproof and impossible to screw up. He was wrong. She probably said, “I might as well be at home watching the game” 10 times just to drive the point home.
They’re broken up now and my guess is that her Tinder bio clearly states that if you can’t afford floor seats don’t even bother swiping right. They’re hard to come by though and unless you’re a bazillionaire you might have to swipe left.
I’m not sure what’s scarier, you’re boyfriend warning you that he’s going to jump you when he gets home or him giving a heads up about breaking up. This could be a Freudian slip in which autocorrect knew something was up with the relationship in the first place and decided to kick start the drama.
If it was going to happen, it was going to happen so this may have just been the extra push they needed as a couple. One can be assured that Jenna was packed and out the door before her now ex-boyfriend got home.
Don’t Get It Twisted
Nine out of 10 guys are in this dark place called the friend zone with a girl they want. Sarah is here to tell you that they’re never going to date even if they’re the last two people on earth. The definition of being deep in the friend zone is exactly that — under NO circumstances will we ever get into a relationship because we’re “besties”.
I always hear people talk about how they want to date someone who can be their “best friend”, yet when they become friends with someone from the opposite sex they completely disregard that logic.
Hey, You Asked
Studies show that transparent couples last the longest. If you can tell your partner anything and everything then that’s a good recipe for a successful relationship.
This is an example of when TMI (too much information) goes too far. If going to the washroom is the most exciting part of your day I think you should find a hobby. On the other hand, going to the washroom and having some healthy stool is something to be proud of because millions of people battle with constipation every year.
This relationship obviously ended with a civil conversation about the fact they can’t be together anymore because they’re lives were just dragging them into different directions. The conversation probably ended with a nice handshake, a warm cup of tea, and finished off with a “this isn’t goodbye, this is a see you later”.
The worst part of this if those are your clothes is that people got to see your underwear collection which is sacred. Knowing people were judging the fact he wears boxers instead of briefs is probably keeping this guy up at night.