Dads are known to be goofy, pun-loving people who also know how to throw shade. From the classic rock t-shirts to the socks-and-sandals, you never know what’s up your father’s sleeve when they want to torture you. Every now and then, there’s one dad who’s a lot like Red Forman from That 70’s Show.
These dads are the best in so many ways. They know how to get back at their kids for doing something stupid and do everything possible to make sure you don’t make a big commitment. It’s those things that make it easy for your father to call you a dumbass.
So Happy Together
Isn’t marriage so much fun? You don’t talk to each other for so long that things seem better than ever before.
This seems like a “take my wife/husband” joke, but this dad is loving the silent treatment from his wife. However, if he keeps this up for an entire week, he might not be married anymore.
A Man’s Best Friend Is A Top Priority
You can’t really blame him for this. Who wouldn’t want to pick a doggo over some humans?
That dog’s solemn facial expression says it all. They’re happy to be up at the front, but at the same time they’re thinking “My master thinks highly of me over the people in the back.”
“Love You Too, Dad”
Now, that’s what love is all about. At least this dad has a good sense of humor. My mom wouldn’t dare try to do this.
More importantly, when it comes to Easter weekend, Jesus is my lord and landscaper. Don’t think about having too much fun at the Christmas party. You’ll never guess what dad will get you back for after throwing up in his shoes.
There Is No Hope Left
You can’t leave James alone for even a day. Not only that, but he throws his son under the bus to use as cover.
It’s like he’s giving social media his personal diary when he’s just working out the kinks. Hopefully, he gets it together quickly before he’s left on his own again.
That’s Nice Handwriting You Got There
Great, he feeds you and clothes you, and now you ruined his porch. Not only that, but you insulted him at the same time. Congratulations bud, dad is going to lose it on you.
But, he might not take it so seriously and you can still get rid of it. It’s not like it’s permanent.
Allison Puked In Dad’s Shoes
That’s what you get for puking in dad’s shoes. You really thought you were going to get away with it this time? Not so fast, because dad knew you were going to get blackout drunk at the Christmas party.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he left a surprise of his own in the sock on Christmas morning. Still on the way, there might be God’s Plan, but Dad’s Plan isn’t going to stop anyone from asking the biggest question in their life.
Pow! Right In The Kisser
Then why did you bother sending a text? Your dad is a total piece of you-know-what for doing this.
Sure, it might be them saying “I love you”, but this isn’t April Fool’s Day. I’d blackmail my dad into making sure he drives to get a Big Mac, then I’d eat it in front of his face.
Another Brick In The Wall
Quiet, little one. Don’t you see your dad is focused on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball right now? Sometimes, you need to watch your kids and watch TV at the same time.
When that happens, just grab some duct tape or hockey tape and you’re all set. Just don’t let the wife find out.
This Isn’t Dad’s Plan
Photo Credit: @allison_barron/Twitter
If she said yes, this dad is going to make this guy’s life a living hell. Holding that sign is an indication that dad is going to be around whether or not you like it. But, sometimes, you have to risk it all to get what you want.
For dad, he’s doing exactly that. Coming up, if the “Call and let me know where you are and stay out of trouble?” was your curfew, you had good parents. If you didn’t, just make sure you bring a key.
Who Had The Better Selfie?
Sometimes, you just want to take some photos. On the other hand, these parents needed to one-up their daughter in the selfie game.
But really, all they’re doing is just mocking their child. Nothing says “I love you” a chance at ruining your child’s life.
Next Time, Don’t Mess Around
It’s one thing to punish your kids when they misbehave. Taking their phone away and rubbing it in their face is a hilarious way to show them who’s boss.
At least they’re still talking, kind of. These punishments have come a long way since I was a kid. I still remember sitting in my room for 10 minutes, which felt like hours.
Be Home At 12 Or Else
Am I the only one who had a “call and let me know where you are and stay out of trouble?” type of curfew?
My curfew was like “come home at midnight so you don’t wake your mother.” I’d call her and politely ask to stay out for another hour, and she’d be okay with it. If you really have issues with the next one ahead, take it up with mom.
There’s A Dork In The House
Well, that’s not your parent’s bedroom or the guest room, so it must be your room!
On the bright side, now your girlfriend will know which window to climb through when your parents are sleeping. Once you’re old enough, you can have the room in the basement.
Would You Like Fries With That?
The ultimate dad joke came out of nowhere. You ask for something from the golden arches, but instead, he gives you something that’s not even close to a royale with cheese.
I’d slam the thing to the ground and demand a McFlurry. Knowing most dads, they probably won’t get you one.
No Allowance For You!
This man knows how to parent. $20 allowance for a six-year-old? I got maybe $10 bucks for taking out the garbage once a week. Hot Wheels are better you know.
If you really have issues with this rejection, take it up with mom in the complaint department. What happens when dad reaches out to you over text? More on that later.
You didn’t have a Bar mitzvah, so dad decided to wait until you were 18. He knew what you were doing on the family computer late Saturday nights.
Billy, come on man, you’re an adult now. Didn’t anyone show you how to delete your browser history?
Stay Away From The Bedroom
This gives you the green light to say “I’m adopted” because you won’t be going near your parent’s bedroom anytime soon.
I mean, he couldn’t have handled it any better than that? Come on, dad, stop making sexual references that creep me out more than Stranger Things.
Right Back At Ya, Pops
I went away with friends two summers ago. Three days into the seven day holiday, my dad texted me saying “Where are you?” and I was like “Down South in America.”
Geez, where else do you think I was? Hunting for treasure and gold like it was the Chronicles of Narnia?
“Hey sweetie, wanna look like a meme? “Sure, wait, hey, hold it for a second!”. That’s a clever way to set your kid up for total failure.
I guess you could say that she got blown away by her father. Where’s their mother to see all of this? Oh, she’s taking the photo.
The Sequel Over Birth
Oh, don’t get upset. You’ll have other birthdays to look forward to. This dad prefers Ghostbusters II over the birth of their child, and who can honestly say they blame him?
Also, Ghostbusters II has a 51% on Rotten Tomatoes. So, the question is, what does your dad have?