These People Eat, Sleep, And Breathe The Red, White, And Blue

America is a wondrous place full of freedom and fireworks and bald eagles. She deserves to be celebrated in the loudest, most epic way possible. The fourth of July is America’s birthday, and these people know how to show her a good time.

You wish you could get on this level. Keep reading for a mustache that’s more American than apple pie, a woman who’s figured out how to sleep and get snacks at the same time, and a famous face who just terminated the heck out of the American citizenship test.

Freedom Is All Around Us

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Photo Credit: snow-crash-1794 / Reddit

This is the correct way to decorate for the fourth of July. Go big or go home. Just a heads up, this is one of the classiest pictures you will see on this list.

From here on out, things get spicy. But for now, enjoy this nicely cut lawn and idyllic American house.

This Flag Takes The Cake

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Photo Credit: dantissimo27 / Reddit

What’s better than an American flag? An American flag you can eat, of course. It looks like someone spent a lot of time baking, cutting, and icing all of those layers.

Now we just have to figure out how to get some stars in there. Maybe some white sprinkles stirred into the blue bit of cake?

What Freedom Looks Like

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Photo Credit: NarcolepticGamer / Reddit

Around mid-June, displays like this one start popping up in supermarkets all across America.

This one looks like it took some real creativity and advanced planning. I am thoroughly impressed. I hope whoever did this gets paid more than minimum wage. Keep reading for a man who wears his patriotism on his… chest.

As American As Pepperoni Pizza

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Photo Credit: Ryandie112 / Reddit

Ok, so pizza is technically Italian, but Americans made it great, so now we can claim it as our own.

This actually looks super delicious. I don’t care how unevenly distributed those pieces of pepperoni are— 10/10, would still eat. Pepperoni pizza is the backbone of America.

Sail Over To America

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Photo Credit: KeithSkud / Reddit

Flags are nice, but a handcrafted red and white beer can sailboat is nicer. This is so American I’m half expecting it to start singing the national anthem at any moment.

It does look sort of sharp, though. Like it could cut through communism with a single swipe.

A Hairy Situation

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Photo Credit: Imgur

Now here’s one way to show your support for the world’s greatest country— shave and American flag into your chest hair.

You can’t see this guy’s face, but I’d bet a million dollars he’s chanting, “USA! USA!” What a magical place we live in. Read on for a guy who saw this guy’s chest hair, and raised him an epic mustache.

Land Of The Free, Home Of The Brave

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Photo Credit: jaycrew / Reddit

I think this is what every other country thinks America looks like all the time. ‘Murica at it’s finest.

I may be mistaken, but I think he is trying to retrieve a box of Diet Pepsi. The irony is almost too much. Someone, please help him— he’s fallen, and he can’t get up.

The Most American Fire Hydrant

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Photo Credit: bacon_over_hoes / Reddit

Somebody thought this fire hydrant didn’t look quite free enough— so they gave it a makeover.

I think it’s probably full of domestic beer. Let’s tap it and find out. I bet it puts out 1776 gallons a minute. That’s a history joke. I hope you liked it.

An Intricate Dye Job

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Photo Credit: Faustin / Reddit

As tacky as this is, I still think it’s pretty impressive. You have to be pretty precise to get in all those stars and stripes.

This guy is American through and through. I am proud to call him a compatriot. He had the nerve to do what most of us couldn’t even dream of.

What Would America Be Without BBQ?

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Photo Credit: Imgur

I might steal this idea for my own fourth of July BBQ. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s brilliant.

Only, I think I’d do it bigger. We’re going to need more than four hamburgers. It’s time to bring out the big smoker.

As Wide As It Is Free

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Photo Credit: bam_nam / Reddit

So, these chairs actually exist. People in America are so… well fed that they actually need special, enlarged office chairs.

This is not an office loveseat. It is a chair for a single proud American. Keep reading for the most American wedding you could possibly imagine.

A Beer In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Hoodie

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Photo Credit: Imgur

If you don’t live in a country where they sell hoodies with beer pockets, you’re living in the wrong country.

What could be better than enjoying a hands-free beer while your clothing keeps it at perfect beer temperature? The American flag on this hoodie is just the icing on the cake.

Wait ‘Till You See What Kind Of Car It Is

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Photo Credit: Imgur

That’s right. It’s a Liberty. We don’t just love freedom here in America— we drive freedom.

And have you ever seen anything more free than this red, white, and blue SUV? I didn’t think so. God bless whoever owns this car. God bless America.

Till Mud Do Us Part

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Photo Credit: buttcheeks420 / Reddit

If you want to say, “I do” in the most American way possible, grab your lady, grab a monster truck, and grab an officiant wearing a camo vest.

After you say your vows, you can jump in the mud and bless your union by literally becoming one with the land.

Too Free For Sleeves

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Photo Credit: ICantDoMathRight / Reddit

Think about this for a second— somebody actually designed this shirt and then sold the design, and the shirt got printed, and then somebody decided to buy it. That’s a lot of steps.

This shirt had to get past all of those steps to come into existence. Who allowed this to happen?

We’re All About Innovation Here In America

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Photo Credit: connr-crmaclb / Reddit

This passenger on an American Airlines flight came up with a genius idea. That’s the kind of innovation that America was built on.

I am so proud of her. I hope she got lots of snacks and drinks. Keep reading for a food item that’s even more American than apple pie.

The Day He Received His ‘Murican Citizenship

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Photo Credit: PM_ME_GECKOS / Reddit

Arnold may not sound American, but in this photo, he’s as American as they come. Those guns are definitely covered under the second amendment.

Arnie is exercising his right to bare arms, and I am definitely not mad about it. He looks so excited in this picture.

This Is What America Is All About

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Photo Credit: Elementhunter256 / Reddit

The only thing that could make this more American would be a full red, white, and blue fireworks display after the bird was rescued.

There probably was one. It looks like the guy in that picture would make sure that his heroism was celebrated the right way.

50 States Of Quality Pork Chop

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Photo Credit: SmartHercules / Reddit

Have you ever eaten your way through all 50 states? I don’t mean getting cheese from Wisconsin and peaches from Georgia and whatever food Minnesota is famous for from Minnesota.

This is how you eat through all of the states the lazy way— which we all know is the American way.

Beer And Kegs And A Tank, Oh My

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Photo Credit: sjcokc / Reddit

People look at America, and they criticize us for our obesity rates and our subpar intellect and our president… but look at this marvel of liquid courage and human innovation.

How could anybody look at this and think a bad thing about us? They better not say a bad thing about us, because we have a beer tank, and we’re not afraid to use it.