Most of us get lost in the fantasy of a dream, a movie, or a TV show because we want an escape from reality. Everyday life brings stress, bills, and more stress, so we try to find any way to remove ourselves from it without really enjoying its fruits.
If we all just stopped and looked around for a moment, we’d realize that reality is actually pretty bizarre. You’d realize that you don’t need a fantasyland to escape, you just need that crazy neighbor that kisses the inside of toilets as your source of entertainment. I’ve compiled a list of these neighbors, and it’s hilarious.
All Hail Mr. Potatohead
Photo Credit: Reddit / @liticus
This is a religion that I can get behind. Toy Story has its place at the top of the movie universe, and Potatohead is a big reason why.
There aren’t many statues that I can think of that are worthy of bowing down to, but this is certainly one of them.
Trying To Fit Into Your High School Clothing Like
Photo Credit: Reddit / Spodiz
This is what happens when you gain a few pounds and try to fit into your high school pants again.
It’s almost hard to believe you were that small before, and now you’re stretching out fabric like you’re The Hulk. Thank god he was wearing underwear.
It’s A Minimalist Design
Photo Credit: Instagram / @streetcato
It’s almost impossible to keep up with the latest fashion accessories and their trends. One day bulky watches are in, the next day thin, minimalist watches are the thing.
This guy must be living in 2033 with his full wall clock watch. Although this may look excessive right now, just wait a few years for Kanye to see it and put it in his next Yeezy lineup. Coming up, a picture that perfectly describes why band-aids really don’t work at all.
The Barbie Mobile
Photo Credit: Reddit / @eMF_DOOM
Surprisingly, Barbie was actually born on March 9, 1959. Barbie was named after Barbara Millicent Roberts, who was the daughter of toy making company Mattel President Ruth Handler.
Barbie and Ken have had official breakups before. In 2004, they severed ties with each other only to rekindle them in 2011. Barbie said on Facebook that her heart only beats for Ken.
The Perfect Fish Tank
Photo Credit: Instagram / @streetcato
Why spend the insane amount of money that it takes to purchase a fish tank when you can use the produce drawer of your fridge?
If anything, this will allow you to spend a lot more time with your pets since they’ll be in a popular spot of the house now.
Band-Aid Solutions For Systemic Problems
Photo Credit: Reddit / Lichewitz
This picture represents so much more than just someone trying to fix a car with a single band-aid. It represents all the band-aid solutions that are used for systemic problems.
For example, imagine a husband cheats on his wife every week and apologizes by bringing her flowers. Yes, that may help short term, but that doesn’t address the big issue. Wow, that got dark, quick. Just ahead, the perfect way to fall asleep in class but look very attentive at the same time.
No, Today Will Not Be A Good Day
Photo Credit: Instagram / @nochill
We’ve all had those days that start out so promising and end so poorly. It’s those days you wake up, the sun is shining, and the coffee is brewed to perfection.
You step outside to head to work, and you get crapped on four times by a flock of seagulls. You stub your toe on the curb and spill that perfectly brewed coffee all over your white shirt.
It’s Like A Jeep
Photo Credit: Instagram / @streetcatto
The summertime mentality is great, but can sometimes bring bad decisions with it. For example, ripping the doors off of your car because you don’t have air conditioning sounds great in theory, but it’s awful in practice.
The only vehicles this works with are UPS trucks and their weird open door, and jeeps. If you don’t drive either of these, don’t rip the doors off, please.
Thomas, Why Aren’t You Blinking?
Photo Credit: Reddit / remove_kebab13
It’s Monday morning math class, and you’re already excited to sleep in on the weekend. You can’t sleep because your teacher will give you a detention, so what do you do?
The answer is very simple — you create a perfectly cut and colored cardboard version of yourself looking very interested. If you can create a blinking feature, it’s bulletproof. Coming up, the duck community has a CIA and we need to show you it because it’s super bizarre.
Waterworks Commencing In 1..2..3
Photo Credit: Reddit / @Endless_Vanity
This is such a devastating picture to look at. If you’ve ever been to a festival or concert where you’ve waited five hours crammed into the stage with minimal space to move — you feel for this girl.
She just lost her hydration for the entire day because there’s no way she’s going to be able to get out of that crowd. Our thoughts are with this girl and her soon-to-be parched throat.
Golfer Vs. Goose
Golf is already the most frustrating sport to play in the world. Add on getting attacked by a goose and you have yourself a nightmare of a day.
Golf can make you feel on top of the world one hole, and then have you bushwhacking in tears the next.
Photo Credit: Reddit / Jakobro7
Although this story was pushed to the 13th page of The Duck Times, this was a big murder case solved.
This pelican was wanted for a few petty crimes like stealing the breadcrumbs given by tourists to the ducks and being a really ugly bird. Coming up, a preview of Cirque Du Toilette. Stay locked because you’ll only see it here.
This Girl Is Meant For Management
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bottlerocket
This little girl is going to grow up to be named Karen. She’s going to walk into every grocery store and want to “speak to the manager immediately” because the store changed the ‘canned food’ aisle with the ‘spices’ aisle.
She’s going to be that soccer mom who is yelling at the other team’s players when they make contact with her kid.
Dressing Appropriately For The Netflix And Chill Night
Photo Credit: Reddit / TheRealestPrisonMike
There’s giving up, and then there’s walking out in public wrapped in a bed sheet. At this point, she might as well just go fully nude. At least most people will think she’s trying to prove a point about the patriarchy.
With that being said, she looks comfortable with her outfit, and that’s all you can really ask.
The Toilet Gymnast
Photo Credit: Reddit / Enshpinxed
Here’s a rare glimpse of the bathroom gymnast at work. This should be an Olympic sport, or at the very least, a subsection of the gymnastics portion.
The talent and concentration that it takes to be able to do a handstand on a dirty toilet seat without barfing is incredible. Coming up, the only picture you need to see that proves hamsters are going to murder us all by 2045.
Today In Class…
Photo Credit: Imgur
Remember that kid in middle school who would peel his eyelids back and they’d stay upright? Yeah, this is him now.
At what point of a really drunk night does one try to put a full fist into their mouth? How does this skill become acquired? I don’t even think I want to know.
There Are So Many Questions
Photo Credit: Reddit / taydripper
Speaking of things I don’t really want to know, this is also one of them. At what point of a drunken night does kissing the inside of a toilet become normal?
Unless this was a bathroom gymnast doing a deep handstand into the bowl, I don’t think this should be appropriate at any time.
This Hamster Is Driving Me Up The Wall
Photo Credit: Imgur
We need to use this picture as a warning sign. Hamsters aren’t the cute, cuddly little furballs we think they are.
If you give them a chance, they’re going to turn into full-blown ninjas. Don’t think that they won’t attack you. Remember, you’ve been oppressing them by putting them in cages for decades.
Some Fun Loving Monkey Business
Photo Credit: Reddit / CosmicKeys
This picture reminds me of the first person in your friend group to get their drivers license. They go from being an average joe to a superhero magnet that attracts everything.
In the eyes of everyone who can’t drive, this license in the key to the freedom they’ve desired their whole life.
Wait For It
Photo Credit: Instagram / @meme.w0rld
No, I didn’t add some softcore images at the end of this article. Look again. What I do want to talk about is how stupid people look driving these things.
There’s no ‘cool’ way to arrive at a business meeting while you’re driving a scooter, there’s just not.