We Didn’t Even Know We Wanted These Things, But Now That We’ve Seen The Light, There’s No Turning Back
I don't ask for a lot in life. Enough to eat, a roof over my head, and unlimited wifi. Even though humans might not need much, that doesn't stop us from wanting more and more. I don't need to eat an entire family-sized bag of hot Cheetos, but I want to.
Even though I'm a simple person, I have to admit I'm pretty upset that no one decided to tell me about some of these things. I didn't even know how much I wanted an all-pink Starburst package until now, but here we are. There's no turning back. I've seen the light, and I'm pissed off that it took this long.
Worth The $300,000 Investment
Is this a common thing in the real estate market? I've heard of throwing in the barbecue as a closing bonus, but free tacos are way better.
I have a few quick questions though. Do you have to eat all $250 worth of tacos at once? And are they fresh tacos, or just $250 of Old El Paso kits?
Why You Always Lying?
The "close door" button fell off on this elevator to reveal that there is absolutely nothing hooked up to it. At first, I was mad, but now I'm at peace.
All those times I frantically pushed the button was for nothing. I feel like my entire life has been a lie, but now we can move forward and just accept that fact we're destined to share elevators with strangers.
Same Same But Different
On the one hand, Mr. Christie has clearly run out of ideas. Apparently, they can only pump out pumpkin spice Oreos for so many months of the year. But on the other hand, it's an absolutely genius idea. They are the best cookies, so why not get meta and make Oreo Oreos?
I'm just mad because I know that the supermarket by me will never stock this flavor. Keep reading to see another food item I need in my life, but will probably never get my hands on.
Whole Foods Is Slacking
This mega-extra avocado stand took your favorite food to the next level. Not only does the sign lay out all the ingredients for guac, but they also have the avocados arranged by ripeness.
This is the best thing to happen to avocados since they saved millennials from dumping our savings into a collapsing market.
So Many Questions Have Been Answered
How did it take this long to figure this out? I bet the sock lobby was doing shady backroom business deals with the dryer companies.
Great, now I have to cancel my monthly Throx subscription. Some guy showed up on Shark Tank to advertise Throx: socks that come in a set of three, for when you inevitably lost one of them.
We've Traveled To A Different Timeline
This all pink package of Starburst is definitive proof that there's good in this world. Our democracy may collapse at any moment, but at least now I have twelve perfect pieces of pink taffy. But someone added online that they should make an all yellow pack. Now that would be a dark timeline.
The FBI Agent Assigned To Me Is Going To Be Mad
I'm going to miss you, Tom. But I'm no longer comfortable with you monitoring my every move by hacking into my laptop's webcam. I've moved on. You'll have to find someone else to spy on.
Or wait, maybe it's all part of their plan to make us think they're not watching.
So I've Been Cutting The Inside Of My Mouth For Years For No Reason?
I thought I was a genius for using the foil wrapper of my yogurt as a makeshift spoon. But jokes on me because I clearly had no idea what I was doing.
This wrapper comes with folding instructions that make a huge difference because now you don't have to risk slicing the inside of your cheek on sharp foil. Too little, too late.
Don't Bring This Negativity Into My Life
When you're crammed into an elevator with ten other people, and you're trying to mentally do the math to see if this ride is your last, this might actually be helpful. But imagine if you step into the elevator on your own and that light shoots all the way up to the elbows? There goes my self-confidence for the year.
People With Normal Sized Hands Can Finally Buy Pringles Again
All those times that I've had to pay my four-year-old niece to use her tiny hands to grab the Pringles from the bottom of the can have just been wasted money.
This chip can in Japan comes with a tool that raises the chips as you go, so you're never left having to stuff your hand halfway down the tube desperately searching for the last chip.
Apparently, None Of Us Ever Read The Instructions
So this was a shock to a lot of people, but I have to agree that I had no idea this was meant to be a straw. I thought breaking off the plastic piece was just a test of strength on the playground in grade school.
If you knew this as a kid, shame on you for not telling everyone about it.
Now I Know Exactly When To Jump From 50 To 80
These streetlights in Rwanda countdown how long the light will remain that color. Most cities have graduated to the pedestrian walk sign counting down, but this is the future.
America, step up your street light game. Now that this is on the internet, you have to give the people what they want. You'll also have to give them this convenient grocery shopping tool coming up.
Girls Have Been Using The Toilet Paper Rolls Like This For Years
You know the only reason this got invented was that men finally got tired of holding their phones while they poop. That's the only time they use bathroom stalls.
Women, on the other hand, have been suffering at every bathroom trip. They've had to carefully balance their phones on top of the toilet paper rolls for years. These need to be in every stall.
I Want To Be Offended, But I Also Want To Rent A Fish
Part of me wants to hate the idea of a hotel renting out a fish to people traveling alone, but in reality, I'd do it.
I wish that the hotels would get a little more creative with it. Why rent out a fish? All they do is float around and blink at you. Rent out a puppy or a kitten to cure my loneliness.
Yes, I'd Love To Know How Much Over My Budget I've Gone
At first, I thought this shopping cart calculator was just a way to shove it in my face that I have no idea how much four Honeycrisp apples cost. But after close consideration, I take it all back. This is way better than me staring down at my phone the entire time and accidentally running my cart into people.
Absolutely No One Asked For This, But Thanks Anyways
I'm not trying to go to Walmart or Target to get exercise. I'm going there because I want to spend way too much money on things I don't need.
I guess if I've dragged myself to the mall on a lovely Saturday afternoon, I might as well walk the 550 steps. My Fitbit will be so proud.
You Won't Need This If You Drink It Fast Enough
An ice strip that you can rest your old fashioned on the rocks to keep it nice and cold is now a necessity at any pub. You could say it has really raised the bar on what I expect when I'm out for a drink.
I'm not entirely sure why every pub hasn't picked up on this idea yet, but the clock is now officially ticking.
Sometimes The Simple Things Are The Most Beautiful
For too long ceiling fan owners have suffered by accidentally setting the fan on the fastest speed when they just needed to turn on the light.
This is honestly one of those ideas that I could have thought of when I was six, and now I'm mad at myself for living a life of confusion.
There's A 100% Chance That This 'Free' Phone Has Been Stolen Multiple Times
This traveler was ecstatic to find that their hotel had a complimentary phone with free data and calling. This has to be one of the best ideas a hotel has ever had. It's even better than the loneliness fish.
They definitely have a bunch of them stolen each year, but it's worth it to make the people happy.
It's Way Easier To Call Your Shots Now
Billiards die-hards will hate this hexagon pool table, but for the amateurs, this is a whole new pool game. I can barely shoot the ball across the table accurately, so a smaller table with more walls will be easier to master.
Plus I can call my shot every time to show off. "Number 6, corner pocket."
