Things That Definitely, 100% Wouldn’t Happen To Me, Ever

Some of us just haven’t fully adapted to this whole “life” thing we are forced to maneuver our way through seamlessly. While many of our friends seem to have their lives together in a way that’s depressing to observe, my favorite peers are the ones who trip over the curb twice in one day with a full coffee cup.

These are the people who are just surviving day in and day out to get from point A to point B without taking a trip to emerge. These are the people who did a school project on “Youth In Asia” when their topic was actually supposed to be “Euthanasia”. In other words, these are the entertaining people and they’re all on this list.

Uh, Dad, That’s Not How It Works


This is what happens when the “cool dad” goes way too far in his attempt at being a kid. If you’re wondering how this even happens, you’re certainly not alone. How is this physically possible for him to even get to this point? My guess is the fire department had the weirdest call of the day to this park.

My Car Literacy Needs Some Work


Figuring out cars and the many billions (it seems like) of parts of it can be daunting and quite frankly, boring. As important as something like financial literacy is, automotive literacy is also very important. Unfortunately for this person, they clearly missed the Cars 101 class that was offered in grade nine.

When You Instantly Regret Everything


There are moments in life that you wish so badly you thought about what was about to come out of your mouth. Sometimes you spew out a joke that really crossed the line that no one found funny, while other times it’s just an off-color comment that accidentally ruins someone’s day. Although social media acts as a fail safe to these slip-ups, if you’ve read anything, you know that just isn’t true.

Tomato, Tomat-toe


When you go in for a tattoo, I think it’s very necessary to ensure proper grammar beforehand. This is something that’s going to be on your body for the rest of your life. Look, all the power to you if your mom was actually your angle, whatever that means, but for the majority of us who don’t have angled mothers, we may need a spellcheck.

Dad, Please, No


There’s nothing worse than a fart from dad. Not only are they always the worst smelling, but it’s the malicious intent that he projects which makes it even worse. Getting stuck in a room with a family member who is WAY too comfortable around you and decides to let one rip every 10 minutes is an absolute disaster.

Overconfidence Is The Secret Weapon


There’s nothing that a little bit of overconfidence won’t ruin. When the inner daredevil in you says yes, your gut should always say no. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen. As you can see here, this make-believe stunt devil is going to come up a bit short, but all the credit to him for the, uh, attempt.

Some Technical Difficulties


Nothing like a day out on the boat, that is, unless your boat ends up being completely perpendicular to the water. In boat manuals, this should be the picture of what a boat should not look like at any point during your ride. There’s no scenario in which scoring a 10/10 on a perfect nose dive should be okay in this type of vehicle.

Hey Man, Watch This


This is what happens when your friend gets their new whip and really wants to show off. Doing a burnout looks cool, but not cool enough to cancel out the awkwardness that ensues after you lose a tire and ruin your car. It’s debatable that there’s no worse walk of shame than the one this person is about to take when they roll their tire to the wheel bed.

Door-To-Door Delivery


Fed-Ex takes door-to-door service very seriously. If anything, this makes me want to order something that I know Fed-Ex will deliver because at least I’ll know when they arrived and I know where my package is. All too often packages get stolen because they’re left in the open on driveways and in front of doors. We need this kind of protection.

Next Time, Mom


Is there anything worse than when you’re trying to take that fire selfie and your phone gets in the way? Yes, yes there is but this is still annoying. Mom was trying to take her first mirror selfie and didn’t realize that her face would actually be. A nice touch to the photo.

Hammock’s Are Chaotic


Let’s just have a serious conversation about hammocks really quick. They are both the best and worst thing invented. It’s absolute bliss to be laying in the sun on a hammock with a good novel in hand, but there’s a darker side to the hammock experience too. They don’t tell you that if you shift your weight to one side that you’ll face plant in the most devastating way possible.

Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard


Clean windows are great and all, but can a sister get a little sticker or something on the window to avoid situations like this? Some windows are so clean these days that they don’t even look like they’re present. For every human that smashes their face and drops their milkshakes, 5 dogs and cats do the same.

Pfft, Ice Cream Is Ice Cream


Look, obviously this ice cream isn’t as bad as everyone is making it out to be because he was able to finish half without noticing. It’s like if you put dog treats in the shape of cookies people will eat them and just think they’re sh** cookies. Dogs are friends, and dog food is (almost) human food.

Technology Runs The World


Kids are willing to do anything for their phones. God forbid it breaks and they have to wait a week for it to be fixed — you might as well kill one of their relatives because that’s how much pain it’s going to cause them. Jumping in a sewer seems tame compared to some of the stuff kids will pull just to ensure they get 11 likes on Instagram.

“I Said This Was My Stop”


There are two scenarios that could be in play here: first, she could’ve got up late to her stop and the doors closed on her head as she went to get out. Or, the bus could be so busy that this was the only way she could fit on. I’m going with number one, but can we mention how hard it can be to open a bus door? Sometimes those things are more stubborn than a mule.

Always That One Kid


With the tribal mentality running rampant in today’s society, it’s nice to see someone who is unique. This little guy has had enough of being the same old same old so he took things into his own hands. This is less of a picture and more of a protest of normalcy that he sees in his classroom.

Stairway To Nowhere


This is what happens when the men in the family get together and decide they want to become handymen. None of them have ever touched a hammer in their lives, but all of the sudden they want to build a staircase. There’s not much more I need to say about this because it’s fairly self-explanatory — let’s just say, it escalated quickly.

Stop Taking Things Literally


It’s a struggle to differentiate when to take someone literally and when to take them figuratively. When a teacher says, “your dismissed at the bell” that never means literally, because as soon as the bell goes you teacher immediately says “the bell does not dismiss you, I dismiss you”.

Two Wrongs Make A Right


Ah, isn’t it so refreshing to see someone else who is so wrong that they end up being right? Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen for most of us, but we’re cheering nonetheless. If I knew this could happen in math class, I would just keep doing more wrong, and apparently, then I could pursue a career in mathematics.

“So Mom, How Did You Two Meet?”


This is actually something that wouldn’t happen to me. When I text the wrong number it’s either some 67-year-old lady who hasn’t fully figured out how technology works and thinks I’m her grandson or a 50-year-old dad who’s at their kid’s soccer game and feels the need to reply in a weird selfie. It’s never someone I’m actually interested in.