There are entire stores dedicated to housing toys. With that in mind, it’s VERY easy to see some wacky toys on the shelves. Toys that you couldn’t even imagine a kid wanting to play with (and that’s saying something).
From dolls that you inject with a needle to superhero plumbers — you’re going to find a little bit of everything in this article.
One skill that parents are always overlooking when raising their children is how to prepare and clean a fish.
It’s a tragedy that kids are growing up not knowing how to do this basic task that EVERY caveman and cavewoman had to do to survive. At the very least, it pays homage to them.
I’ve seen a lot of creepy dolls in my day. I’ve also seen a lot of dolls with awful haircuts (this one tops them all). But, I’ve never seen a doll that mourns.
If you inject this toy with water from a syringe, it will start to cry. Looks like a fun way to depress kids.
Tuttuki Bako Digital Pet
Remember those Tamagotchi things? Well, this was some weird 2008 knockoff and it had some very interesting gameplay.
The way that you could manipulate your pet is by putting your index finger in this little hole and poking it. I know what you’re thinking, but that’s totally not creepy or bizarre AT ALL.
Ran Over Cat
I mean, there isn’t much to say about this toy. The only way that this a good idea is if it’s a setup by the FBI.
If they’re tracking every single person who purchases this toy and keeps a close eye on them for the rest of their life, I’m all in. Only a serial killer would get this.
The Kaba Kick Toy
Well, this is almost exactly what you imaged it to be. It’s basically a Russian Roulette game with a Nerf gun.
You load a nerf into the chamber, put the gun to your head and then hope that when you pull the trigger there’s nothing that comes out. Sounds, uh, fun?
Pee And Poo
Wow, if this isn’t the most exhilarating toy you’ve ever seen, I don’t know what is.
There’s nothing like playing with a pee drop and a poo swirl, am I right? I guess if I had ONE criticism of this toy it’s that their eyes should be a little bit closer together.
Titanic Inflatable Slide
Well, the Titanic was a tragic event that almost all of us know the story of. But, leave it up to this inflatable company to make a slide out of it.
Not going to lie, this would probably be a huge hit at my birthday party. That slide looks like no joke.
I mean, I’m all for teaching kids about the reality of life, but there’s a time and a place. This Barbie set takes health class for a five-year-old to an entirely new level.
Shockingly, the toy was met with some serious controversy when it hit the shelves. Talk about baby fever.
Sense Of Right Alliance
If you think you and your friends are the definitions of “squad goals”, you obviously haven’t seen this crew.
I mean, Batman, Spiderman, and Superman are solid enough. But, if you add the likes of SHREK into that, you’re already on pace to have the most intimidating super-squad of all time.
If you’re already confused about this little USB baby, don’t worry, I am too. Basically, from my understanding, it’s a Japanese toy that doesn’t really do much of anything at all.
Apparently, if you press the “H” button on your keyboard it lights up the eyes and turns them red. Cool?
Well, I think that it’s safe to say that I would be late for work almost every day. You alarm clock should not be easy to turn off. It should not be within reach of your lazy butt in bed.
If you can just pick up a gun and shoot a target to turn it off, I’d never be leaving the bedsheets.
Kong Suni Flatulent Doll
You’ve seen pregnant barbie. You’ve seen a doll that when injected with water ends up crying (which I don’t blame her for doing, I’d be balling too).
So, what are we missing? Oh, right, a doll that passes gas. I mean, who doesn’t want one of those hanging around? Me.
Mega Plumber Action Hero
You’ve all been sleeping on the most practical and hands-on superhero of all time. It’s Joe the plumber.
I mean, let’s be honest, plumbers save more lives (and marriages) than any Batman or Superman ever could. I’m sorry, but we’ve been overlooking Joe for too long and it’s about time he got his own figurine.
Why not make your kids practice for their inevitable first job at 14? If they’ve been working a McDonald’s drive-thru from the age of three, they could become a manager by 14.5 years old.
We need to start training kids for the real world. Enough of this calculus stuff because that’s boring.
Japanese Scooby Doo
Don’t be afraid, these toys can’t see you. You’re safe behind your computer. This combination of bad news bears are the Japanese version of Scooby Doo.
The names, you ask? Sadslab, Baby Sauron, Raging Emo, Yellowturd, and Soulglutton. I’m all in for these names. Fred and Velma are so boring compared to Raging Emo and Yellowturd.
Playmobil Hazmat Team
I absolutely love Playmobil, but I feel like they went off the deep end with this one. Maybe having a hazmat team will encourage kids to clean up after themselves?
I mean, if this whole climate thing doesn’t kill us, a nuclear war might, so we could use some skilled hazmat, uh, people.
You know what? The only reason I don’t get a pet is because they’re way too high maintenance. A rock is not high maintenance.
Therefore, I would conclude that having a pet rock would be very beneficial. In fact, I would encourage it as a first pet. That might be an unpopular opinion.
So, hands down this is the most pointless toy of all time. I know there wasn’t much to do in the 90s, but playing with Pogs seems worse than watching paint dry.
They made a ton of money for literally just being cardboard discs with designs on them from various pop culture references.
If you’re confused about what the hecking heck this is, you’re not alone. If your kid likes playing with an old rickety toothbrush, this could be the perfect gift.
Basically, it’s a motor operated toothbrush with a battery. It has nothing to do with cleaning teeth. In fact, you just let it wobble around the floor.
The Sega Robot Cat
Not only does this cat look incredibly real (which makes it incredibly creepy), but it apparently has emotions.
It’s known as the “Dream Cat Venus” and it basically responds to your affections via touch sensors. Cats are already going to be taking over the world so the last thing I’d want is this thing hanging around.