Stories Proving “That Kid” From Grade School Definitely Grew Up To Be A Psychopath
We all knew "that kid" in grade school. You know the one I'm talking about. They always got along with everyone, usually did well in school, but for some reason went out of their way to be super weird. Not your regular class clown type of weird, but a little more strange than the average 10-year-old.
A Reddit "Ask Me Anything" wanted to know the most memorable thing "that kid" did, and the internet delivered. These stories will bring back those grade school memories you tried to forget about, and it's absolutely hilarious. Warning: kids pee in weird places.
No One Likes Ranch That Much
No one in their right mind likes ranch that much, and that's coming from someone who loves ranch on everything from burgers to veggies.
If anything, taking 15-20 shots of ranch dressing each lunch probably prepared this kid to be very successful at college frat parties.
Turn Water Into Wine, Or Lunch Into Soup
I wonder what different lunches he was combining. It sounds easy to mix orange juice and crackers into soup, but did he manage to break down a full ham sandwich, apple, and a glass of chocolate milk into a bowl of soup?
I bet his dream birthday gift was a portable food processor.
Commander In Chief Of Farts
The weirdest part about this is that it seems like this kid was waiting, every single day, for the perfect moment to fart. He was probably in so much pain all morning as he waited for the right time to strike.
This is a perfect example of a 10-year-old's sense of humor.
No One Should Be Able To Vomit On Command
The only thing weirder than farting on command is vomiting on command. And to do it just for the entertainment of someone else is even stranger, especially when you don't even know the person that well.
In all seriousness, I hope that this kid was just super weird and doesn't have any serious eating disorders.
So That's Where All The Playground Stones Went
Look, we've all put rocks in our ears or up our noses when we were kids, but we learn not to do it again after our mom painfully removes them.
Some kids just don't learn, and some even weirder kids do learn and keep doing it for fun. Pouring gravel into your ears is some serious Ralph Wiggum stuff.
Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures
Okay, that's just a bold move. Leaving a tampon in for too long can result in toxic shock syndrome, but there's got to be a better solution than this.
Maybe go to the back of the class and ask for some privacy. Or honestly at that point just leave to use the restroom without even asking.
I'm The Wifi Jesus Everytime I Change The Password
Sometimes being the weird kid can actually make you more popular. This kid was likely trying to lash out at his classmates and only ended up making them like him even more.
Anyone who can give me faster internet is good in my books.
Why Do Boys Always Put Underwear On Their Heads?
Why do all boys around the world like to put their underwear on their heads? Is it a show of dominance? Is it a way to attract a mate? There has to be a scientific explanation.
I don't have an answer right now, but we can all agree that the only thing weirder than putting your underwear on your head is putting a dirty pair of trashed underwear on your head.
There Was Always One Kid Who Acted Like A Cat
It's surprisingly common for there to be one kid in school who acted like a cat. It was usually the quiet girl who never brushed her hair but was super smart.
Hey, they can pretend to be a cat as long as they don't try to wash their entire body by licking themselves in front of everyone.
The Fastest Way To Run
I think most of us clambered up the stairs on all fours every once in a while, but not in public. This might be the cousin of the girl who acts like a cat.
First, you start with hissing at people. Next thing you know, you're cleaning your ears with your "paws" and crawling around to catch mice.
This Imaginary Romance Is Donkey-Approved
Imaginary friends are pretty standard, and imaginary girlfriends seem kind of weird but still reasonable. But an imaginary dragon girlfriend is some weird Shrek stuff that definitely isn't cool.
Look, I know the dragon from Shrek has surprisingly sultry eyes. It's no surprise that donkey fell for her. But let's leave the dragon loving for the movies.
A Lot Of Time Went Into This Joke
What kind of person saves their pee for weeks to cave so quickly when the teacher is just about to drink it. That should have been the punchline of the joke, but they just gave up instead.
The amount of time and foresight that went into this joke just shows that this prankster could be borderline crazy.
Not Your Everyday Matzah Ball
I love matzah ball soup just as much as the next person, but I'm not so obsessed that I spend each lunch trying to form my own knock-off matzo ball.
This girl might have been trying to perfect the soup dumplings, but she ended up just making everyone else uncomfortable.
She Must Be Extremely Constipated
There's always one person that tries to act like they're a superhuman who's exempt from the regular body functions the rest of us have to go through. It's usually a girl since boys tend to brag about it rather than try to hide it.
Experiencing years of girls never farting in public is why men are always so shocked when they move in with their long-term girlfriends.
What Was He Planning On Thursday?
I don't have asthma, but I'm pretty sure you can't schedule out your attacks throughout the week. He seems so upset about it that it leads me to believe he had something way more sinister planned for Thursday.
Was his Thursday attack going to be a distraction from an even bigger, better plan? Thankfully, we'll never know.
Pen Vampire
I think seeing ink bleed from a child's mouth would be the quickest way to get me to quit my job as a first-grade teacher. The teacher's handbook probably does not prepare you for any ink-vampire situations.
A lot of things aren't in your job description or pay grade, and this is one of them.
Just Detention For A Week?
In what world is a week of detention enough punishment for peeing on another human being's head? That kid will absolutely keep urinating on heads if someone doesn't teach him a lesson.
And let's be honest, "social detention" probably doesn't matter to someone who is willing to pee on another person.
A Joke Turned Into A City-Wide Manhunt
Yikes, talk about a situation spiraling out of control. The best part of this is that the kid was dramatic enough to write "never coming back" on the sign-out sheet to make matters worse.
At least you can feel confident that the police will take your missing child seriously even if they run away as a joke.
Someone Really Hates School
Look, I think we all hated school but none of us went too far as to burn our textbooks in the washroom. What did photosynthesis or algebra ever do to you?
Not to mention, with a washroom out of commission now everyone in the school will have to pack into one restroom every recess.
That's One Way To Unclog The Men's Room Toilets
Burning a dozen textbooks to set the washroom on fire is tame in comparison to this kid. Exploding fireworks in a bathroom is an easy way to take it from a simple prank to immediate expulsion.
Every school has "that kid" but every school also that "that kid who took it too far."
