Every once in a while, you’ll meet a parent that has one of those rare “angel” kids. You know them. They’re the kids who actually have manners, don’t cry in the grocery store, and they definitely don’t try to eliminate their twin by pressing them to death with a painting.
That’s because most kids are the evil-genius type. They always have a sneaky trick up their sleeve, or they’re planning their next power move to establish dominance over their parents. This is just the way life is with kids, which is why you should never turn your back on them, even for a second.
Just Another Retail Employee’s Day Ruined
This kid is going to grow up to be an expert at pissing everyone in the office off. He’s going to be the guy who microwaves fish for lunch and steals everyone’s favorite pens.
It’s nothing personal against him. It’s just a well-known fact that the kids who ‘hack’ each other’s social media or change the lock screens at the Apple store stay annoying forever.
To Be Honest, I’d Probably Do The Exact Same Thing
I’m not sure when the right time to teach kids how to be financially responsible is, but apparently 10-years-old is too young. This woman’s son automatically went for the $4 Wicked Good Deal, and I understand why.
But Devin, my man, don’t do this to yourself. Before you know it, you’ll be 28 and blowing your entire paycheck on takeout.
There Can Only Be One
Just imagine turning your back for one minute and seeing one of your children trying to press the other one to death like it’s the Salem Witch Trials. It’s like one didn’t win the battle of absorbing the other in the womb, so they’ve moved this feud to real life.
To Be Fair, Fox News Isn’t That Hard To Trick
I’m not trying to bash Fox News, but if their thing right now is weeding out the #FakeNews then they’re pretty bad at it.
They literally got played by a little kid who may have just created the Gen Z version of Rick Rolling. How do you feel right now, Fox News?
It’s Even Worse When They All Join Together
Turn your back on one kid, and they do something crazy. Shame on them. Turn your back on fifteen kids, and they barricade the school doors with snow. Shame on you.
I haven’t been to teachers college, but I’m pretty sure there’s an entire lecture dedicated to never turning your back on a rogue group of kids.
This Dad’s One-Arm Lean Implies This Isn’t The First Time This Has Happened
There are multiple reasons why I know this kid has pulled this stunt before. First of all, he clearly made his way up to the top quick, so he has experience. Also, the dad looks so done with it. He’s not worried whatsoever. And finally, the employee with the forklift does not look like he’s in a rush at all.
Just Think Of The Rules He’ll Break When He’s Older
At first, you want to think this is adorable. This little guy was just trying to share a popsicle with his uncle. But if he’s willing to break a major rule, bring down someone else with him, and do it all with a stone-cold look on his face, what won’t he do?
Today it might be popsicles, but tomorrow it’s stealing money from his mom’s purse and blaming it on Jake.
If She Does That While God’s Watching, What Does She Do When Her Parents Are Around
Popsicle kid looks like a saint in comparison to a girl drawing a blood-soaked Satan in the middle of a church service. Her parents may have turned around for just a second, but God is always watching, and nevertheless, she persevered.
Something tells me she’s going to grow up to be the girl who writes “666” on the cover of all her notebooks in high school.
If This Is How I Go, So Be It
The last two kids were just playing to rule breaking and pushing buttons. This kid has an actual knife. Thanks to the mask, I can’t actually see the look in eyes but I know he looks ready to take chances, make life mistakes, and get someone else very messy.
It’s Always Nice To Know At Such An Early Age Whether Or Not They’ll Be A Serial Killer
It’s so difficult that most of the warning signs for serial killers aren’t evident until later on in life. You have to wait until they can learn to play with fire, or are old enough to torture small woodland animals.
This little girl is saving us all the worry by making it very clear from a very young age that she is a killing machine.
She’s The Hero We Need And Deserve
Not everything kids do behind your back has to be sinister. Yes, most kids are evil, but some are just lazy. And let’s be honest, we all wish we were kids again.
Having the ability to nap anywhere at any time is a skill we don’t get again until we’re parents.
This Kid Knew His Mom Ordered 24 Wallet Sizes
You’d like to hope you can send your child to school and that the teacher will make sure something like this never happens, but teachers can’t be everywhere. I bet this kid paid another to distract the teacher so he could rock the TMNT sweater for picture day.
The Dolphin’s Side-Eye Tells Me That They Liked It
So that’s not exactly what the instructor meant when they said: “gently kiss the dolphin.” But this kid decided to completely disregard any lesson he has learned about consent and go for it.
Maybe he just figured that since dogs and cats lick you to tell you they love you, that’s what all animals want.
Even The Dog Isn’t Safe
One parent turned their back on the kid and dog for just a few seconds and came back to a dog that looks like Baby Gerald from The Simpsons.
This dog was already ugly to start, and now he has fake eyebrows and a mustache. Hey, maybe he’s got a great personality.
Taking Down The Patriarchy One Little Brother At A Time
Why would any parent think that giving boxing gloves to two kids would work out okay? This girl has been working on that left hook since she was in the womb, and now she can finally use it on her unsuspecting victim.
Getting Dressed On Your Own Can Be A Challenge
Usually, a child’s first time getting dressed results in a hilariously bad outfit. For some reason, this kid’s first attempt ended with her hanging on for dear life from a dresser.
I’d like to know how she got to a height that allowed her to get her pants caught on the top drawer.
So Chocolate Scented Makeup Was A Bad Idea? I Am Shocked
Anyone who shops at Sephora knows deep down that scented makeup is a disaster waiting to happen. Chocolate-scented eyeshadow, peach-scented blush, the list goes on and on.
As adults, it’s just a fun novelty. But we all knew that one day a kid was going to ingest an entire pallet, and we’d spend all night on the phone with poison control.
Yes, That’s A Dirty Sock In A Nut Container
It’s the smallest actions that make the biggest difference. Parents can go years thinking their child in an angel when in reality, they’ve been pulling stunts behind the scenes that will make you bubble up in anger at your most vulnerable point.
A sock in the nut container doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world, but it’s a power move laced with disrespect that is intended to make you crack.
Now Your ‘Suggested Music’ Will Be Alvin And The Chipmunks For Months
Oh, you thought giving your child access to your iTunes wouldn’t be that bad? Think again. One car ride and 11 hours of “Born This Way” later, you’ll come to regret ever having a child in the first place.
You’re suggested playlists will forever include one terrible Alvin and the Chipmunks cover for the rest of your life.
Is This A Threat?
I’m honestly concerned for this dad. It might be a joke, but I’m pretty sure this is a straight-up threat. No one else would diligently carve this message into soap if they didn’t want you to see it.
Now, this kid is going to have monitored bath time until they’re 18.