The term “fake news” has been circling around the internet for some time now. We’ve learned that not all news sources are to be trusted. Some sources are more reliable than others. All of the headlines below were pulled straight out of credible news sources. They sound crazy, but the world has become a crazy place.
Keep reading for a hunter who learned about irony the hard way, a frat house that’s just as drunk as the people who live in it, and a baseball player whose Fortnight addiction is throwing off his game.
“Ferry McFerryface To Be Name Of New Sydney Ferry After Public Vote”
Hundreds of people in Sydney Australia voted to name a new ferry “Ferry McFerryface.” Ferry McFerryface actually got the second most number of votes. However, the name that came in first, Boaty McBoatface, was already taken by a British vessel.
Boaty McBoatface has inspired others to choose similar silly names. There’s a train in Sweeden named Trainy McTrainface, and a horse in Sydney named Horsey McHorseface.
“Dogs Cannot Get ‘Autism,’ British Veterinary Association Warns After ‘Anti-Vaxx’ Movement Spread To Pets”
The Telegraph reported that The British Veterinary Association has realized that some pet owners aren’t vaccinating their dogs because they’re afraid their dogs will develop autism-like symptoms.
Vaccinations keep you and your pets healthy. There are no known cases of autism in dogs.
“Alcohol Level In Air At Fraternity Party Registers On Breathalyzer”
Police say the air in a frat house in Bethesda, Maryland was so full of alcohol that it actually registered a .01 on a Breathalyzer.
ABC News says that eight students locked themselves inside a bathroom and one jumped out of a window to avoid police. Keep reading for a guy who tried something crazy to escape luggage charges.
“France Is Running Out of Butter for Its Croissants”
A classic low supply and high demand situation boosted butter prices through the roof. Butter is essential for the French, who use the dairy product in tarts, pastries, and of course, croissants.
French retailers are refusing to buy butter at a higher price, so dairy farmers are selling their products abroad.
“Hundreds Of People Gather To Say ‘Wow’ Like Owen Wilson”
The distinct way that actor Owen Wilson says, “wow” has taken the internet by storm. Global News reported that hundreds of people in Australia gathered to mimic him in unison.
The silly stunt was meant to put some positive energy out into the world.
“Passenger Turned Away From Two Flights After Wearing 10 Layers Of Clothing To Avoid Luggage Fee”
A man traveling from Iceland to London was turned away after he tried to wear eight pairs of pants and ten shirts on the plane.
The man, who goes by Ryan Hawaii on Twitter, was turned away from a second flight the following day because of reports about what had happened with the first flight.
“Library Asks People To Stop Paying Fines With Chuck E. Cheese Tokens”
The Peabody Institute Library in Danvers posted on Facebook to remind patrons that they do not accept Chuck E. Cheese tokens as a form of payment for late fees.
They wrote, “This summer we’ve had a surge of folks attempting to pay fines and printing fees with tokens from Chuck E Cheese and Bonkers. Since they are not legal tender, we cannot accept them.
“Man Rescued From Taliban Didn’t Believe Donald Trump Was President”
A Canadian man rescued from Taliban captors in Afghanistan thought that his captors were joking when they told him that Donald Trump became the President of the United States.
Joshua Boyle and his wife, Caitlin, were held by the Taliban for five years. Boyle said, “It didn’t enter my mind that he was being serious.”
“Michael B. Jordan Buys Teen A New Retainer After She Bit Through It During His Shirtless Black Panther Scene”
This unbelievable news story started where all great stories start, on Tumblr. An orthodontist posted, “One of my patients came in for an emergency visit, because she snapped the wire on her retainer watching the movie when MBJ took his shirt off she clenched her teeth so ****ing hard.”
Then the patient saw the post, realized it was about her and posted about it on Twitter. MBJ saw the tweet, and responded, “since I feel partly responsible for breaking your retainers let me know if I can replace them.”
“Hunter Dies After Elephant Falls On Him”
Professional big game hunter Theunis Botha died at age 51 when an elephant shot by a member of his hunting group fell on top of him. This is the definition of irony (take note, Alanis Morisette).
“Utah Teacher Fired After Students See Nudity In Art”
A Utah art teacher was fired after he passed out educational postcards to his sixth-grade class.
The teacher said that he didn’t know that a few of the postcards featured paintings of nude or partially nude women and that he would never have handed them out if he had known.
“Drunk Tourist Accidentally Climbs Mountain While Trying To Get Back To His Hotel”
While trying to find his hotel, Pavel, a thirty-year-old Estonian tourist, accidentally climbed the Italian Alps.
Pavel didn’t realize he was climbing a mountain before it was too late to turn back. Luckily, he stumbled on a high altitude bar called Igloo and crashed there for the night.
“Uber’s Search For A Female CEO Has Been Narrowed Down To 3 Men”
In an attempt to recover from accusations of sexism, Uber set out to hire a female CEO. Sadly for the car-hailing company, none of the women on their shortlist wanted the job.
The position will now probably be filled by a white man. Elizabeth Ames told The Denver Post, “As much as I would love to see more women chief executives, too often women get the cleanup jobs, and I’d prefer to not always see women get the cleanup jobs.”
“Allentown Boy Rescued From Inside Claw Machine, Fails To Get Prize”
A two-year-old boy climbed inside a claw machine at a laundromat in Pennsylvania and got stuck after the door closed behind him.
Rescue crews had to use a crowbar to pry the machine open and get the kid out. The boy went in the machine because he saw a Finding Nemo toy inside it that he wanted. He didn’t reach the Nemo toy before he was pulled out.
“The Legal Battle Over A Monkey’s Selfie Is Now Getting A Movie”
David Slater is a wildlife photographer who got himself into some legal trouble. A crested macaque named Naruto took some selfies with a camera Slater set up in Indonesia.
PETA decided to sue Slater on Naruto’s behalf because they believe that only Naruto should be able to profit off of the photos. Sounds like an interesting movie plot.
“Surgeon Admits To Branding Initials On Patients’ Livers”
In 2013, Dr. Simon Bramhall admitted to etching his initials into transplanted livers using an argon beam. Another surgeon discovered the initials “SB” on a patient’s liver while performing a follow-up procedure.
Bramhall resigned from his position at Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham in 2014. Keep reading for a Twitter account that trolled us all.
“Cat Named After Notorious B.I.G. Shot Multiple Times — And Survives”
A cat from British Columbia is being described as “a miracle” after he survived being shot with a pellet gun multiple times. A vet took out most of the pellets, but some had to be left in Biggie because they were too dangerous to remove.
Biggie is back home and has made a full recovery. I hope whoever shot him feels the full wrath of the rap gods.
“Man Who Mowed Lawn With Tornado Behind Him Says He ‘Was Keeping An Eye On It'”
This is Theunis Wessels from Alberta, Canada. Mowing the lawn was on his to-do list in June of 2017, and no tornado was going to keep him from doing what he needed to do.
Wessels said the tornado was much further away than it looks in the picture. Even so, this does not look like the best time to be cutting the grass.
“NPR Tweets The Declaration Of Independence, And People Freak Out About A ‘Revolution’”
On the fourth of July, 2017, National Public Radio tweeted out bits of the Declaration of Independence. Many people didn’t recognize that the quotes came from one of America’s most famous documents and thought that NPR was tweeting threats at President Trump.
People called for the organization to be defunded for starting a revolution.
“Fortnite Addiction Is Becoming a Problem for Major League Baseball”
Boston Red Sox pitcher David Price missed the start of a game against the Yankees because of a case of carpal tunnel syndrome. How did he get carpal tunnel, you ask? Much too much Fortnite.
Price said he will no longer play Fortnite— at the ballpark at least.