I hope that it doesn’t surprise you to know that some people are just straight trashy. Now, people immediately think that’s a bad thing, but I disagree. Trashy people are able to live more free and easy than your average law-abiding civilian.
It’s not easy to get your life together, and quite frankly, sometimes it’s not even beneficial to do so. Stealing a chocolate bar in a brand new suit is looked down upon way more than if you steal it in a baggy sweater with dog hair all over it and Looney Tunes pajamas. Let’s be honest. We’re thankful for our trashy friends because they bring us entertainment in a way that, well, only they can.
Same, Same But Different
You know what? “Steve” should just be happy he got a cake at all. Also, this might be an unpopular opinion, but Steve is a better name than Nick anyway.
Steve Martin, Steve Buscemi, Steven King — the list goes on and on. Who named Nick is cool? Nick Lachey? He’s so 2006.
You’re Not Weird, You’re Trash
I don’t know what is going on in the world that should ever fog your mind so much that you decide this is okay.
Pizza should be eaten one way. No, not with a fork and knife ( you’re a serial killer if you do that) and certainly not crust first.
The Practicality Is Missing
This is why a wife should never trust her husband to go out and buy furniture. The goal isn’t for it to look good. It’s to show off to the guys and brag about how much he knew his wife wouldn’t like it.
The practicality of this is just astonishingly bad. The centerpiece is subpar. On a scale of 1-trash, this gets a full trash rating.
Oh God No
Where do I even begin with vegans? You’ll ask them for directions on the street, and they’ll say “I’m vegan, sorry.”
These people will judge you for eating a sliver of egg and go as far as to call it a chicken abortion. It’s bizarre.
“How Petty Are You?”
There are some petty people out in the world, but I don’t think many can top doing this.
Not only does this person invite the people she hates over to her house, but she feeds them hotdog water ice cubes. If that doesn’t make you want to slightly vomit in your mouth, I don’t know what will. Coming up, a girlfriend sends out a confusing message about what she’ll do if her boyfriend cheats.
The Order Matters
I can’t trust someone who puts the milk into the bowl before they actually put the cereal in. What makes you think I’ll trust someone who adds the bowl in last?
In all seriousness, the ratio of milk to cereal is very important, and it’s almost impossible to reach perfection with milk in first.
Sending Some Mixed Messaging Here
Look, this girl is obviously sending some mixed messages that are probably going to end up backfiring on her very shortly.
If she’ll make all of her boyfriends who cheat on her some fresh guac, I think she’s going to be in a lot of trouble in the loyalty department. There are better ways for her to intimidate her significant other. She missed the mark on this one. Coming up, a guy who clearly forgets that knives are sharp when he’s cutting his bagel. Uh oh.
Deception Is The, Uh, Key To Healthy Relationships
When you want to have a boys night but your girlfriend has other ideas, you have to make some desperate moves.
This guy said that he came down with an awful sickness so he’s just laying in bed. This idea and execution are impressive, to say the least.
Yeah, That’s Not Going To Turn Out Well
It’s easy to say that ignorance is bliss, and in some sense it is. For example, if you accidentally forget that you had chapstick in your pocket at the grocery store and therefore didn’t pay for it, then that’s blissful.
But, if you’re ignorant to the fact that you’re about to cut off you’re finger while trying to make yourself a cream cheese bagel for lunch, that’s not so blissful. If you’ve never seen what a stage five clinger looks like, you’re going to want to hold tight because a picture of one is coming up.
It’s THAT Roommate
If you’ve ever had a roommate, you know the tension that can arise from dishes not being cleaned and put away.
It seems that the next world war will be over a clean kitchen in a run-down apartment. This life hack is both deceptive and effective for any roommate who is the scum of the earth.
The College Bathbomb
In college, it’s nearly impossible to live a boujee lifestyle. You’re not making any money and are forced to spend what seems like $1000 a day on books, food, and rent.
About 0.01% of students can afford to buy a nice bath bomb, so they have to get creative with it and make one themselves. There’s no better substitute than ramen noodles, and that’s a fact.
Stage Five Clinger
Sometimes at first glance, it’s hard to tell if someone is truly a stage-five clinger or not.
Luckily for us, we can tell pretty quickly that this girl is the definition of that. She gave her boyfriend a shirt with her face on it before he went off on vacation with a few of his friends. Scary. Do you want to see what it looks like to just give up? Stay tuned.
Not Today, Satan
I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Going onto airplanes is emotionally distressing enough, now add in someone’s raunchy, smelly, gross feet and you have yourself a nightmare in the making.
It should be completely legal for someone to break off every single one of your toes individually if you decide it’s appropriate to put your feet like this.
It’s Where You Go When You Have To Let The Tears Flow
I don’t blame this person for going into a bathroom stall to cut up onions. The embarrassment that you feel when you bawl your eyes out cutting onions is truly like nothing else.
The bathroom stall makes the most sense to go cry in because that’s where you do it anyway. If you see your crush standing at your arch-nemesis’ locker, you immediately go to the washroom and curl up in the fetal position.
McDonald’s Has Completely Given Up
I don’t blame the employees at McDonald’s for just calling it in early on their shifts. The special instructions customers will give when they order food is truly astonishing.
“I’ll have a Big Mac with no pickles, three stands of lettuce, half-juiced tomato, three-day-old ketchup ONLY and the bun has to be fresh from the bakery.”
Airplane Mode Activated
I don’t know about you, but being 30,000 feet in the air makes me do some weird stuff, and it looks like this person is fully onboard.
If this person is trying to feel ‘grounded’ I don’t know that this is the way to do it, but at least it’s worth a try. This is probably the same person that claps when the plane lands.
Ma’am, I Wouldn’t Do That
Can someone please tell Becky that she’s literally drinking out of something that cleans people’s buttholes.
I mean to each their own and water is water but I still think that there are better sources of hydration in Europe. That’s just me though.
Dad, Don’t Do That
There are a lot of moments in life when you fail but can still recover from it both emotionally and physically.
Getting your finger stuck in a hole at Chipotle as an adult is not one of those moments. There’s no running away from this humiliation of this, I’m sorry.