As technology advances, we have become more and more dependant on it in our everyday lives. In the ’90s, having a pager was a luxury. Now we have an entire supercomputer in our back pockets. Technology can be a great thing, but some people have started to take it too far.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my smartphone. But when an 8-hour Law And Order: SVU binge on the Netflix app starts to influence your tattoo decisions, you need to stop. Step back and ask yourself: has the internet begun to take over my entire life? And if you have to go to Yahoo Answers to find out, then it’s a definite ‘yes.’
No Concert Can Stand In The Way Of Defending Your Castle
The only thing worse than spending an entire concert Snapchatting your own singing is playing a video game.
It looks like the iPhone game advertised by Kate Upton. So, I get it. He wants to defend to castle in the hopes Kate will think he’s a hero. But once she sees that bucket hat, his defense tactics won’t matter.
I Mean, I’m Not Mad About It, But I Don’t Support It
I feel conflicted about this one. From what I understand, Merriam-Webster adds words once they are cited enough in culture to be widely known.
But who is out there writing a book or a newspaper article and using the word doggo? Yes, I admit that I do it, but professionals don’t. Have doggos, puppers, and woofers gone too far?
Karl Marx Is Rolling In His Grave
It has been 200 years since Marx urged the workers of the world to unite and take back the means of production. But when he told us to take ownership of the stuff we make, I don’t think he wanted us to brand ourselves with the barcode for double stuff Oreos. Now, this guy is just a pawn for the Oreo market.
Amazon Needs To Stop Trying To Run The World
An open letter to Jeff Bezos. Jeff, my man, just because you’re the richest person in the world doesn’t mean you have the right to take away the awful experience of grocery shopping from the rest of us.
Let us use our trashy coupons, have our in-store arguments, and leave with baby spinach that we’ll throw out within a week. Let grocery stores remain the things we all love to hate.
How You Quit When You Don’t Care About The Reference Letter
Meme culture is everywhere, and there’s no escaping it. But just because you’re a millennial who runs a meme page with more than 10k followers, doesn’t mean you should scrap professionalism.
No Starbucks is going to hire you if you quit Chipotle with a meme-based resignation letter.
Just Because Promposals Are A Thing Online Doesn’t Mean You Have To Go This Far
People around the world don’t understand the promposal fad that America has perfected. And after seeing this guy’s “Prom?” tattoo, I know why. This guy got a permanent mark on his body solely to take a girl to prom who will dump him as soon as she leaves for college. He’s going to have regrets.
He’s Off To Help The Concert Guy Defend His Castle
This guy must be the alter-ego of Bucket Hat Concert Guy. When defending your online castle isn’t enough, you have to gear up and become a full-blown knight.
He’s just waiting patiently for the B train so he can head to the office before spending the evening rescuing a damsel in distress.
When Your Snapchat Story Rules Your Entire Life
Now that Vine is gone (RIP), people have no choice but to do it for the ‘Gram, or for the Snapchat story. But life doesn’t have to revolve around the app.
Just because your location is in the ocean doesn’t mean you have to take an advanced scuba class and do all your work underwater.
So, It Wasn’t All It Was Cracked Up To Be, Huh?
Internet lesson 101: what you see is never what you get. I’m not sure what incredible propaganda videos ISIS sent this teenage girl, but they must have been pretty impressive if it made her try to join the organization. Thankfully, the entitlement we’ve raised kids with today made her come crawling back home.
This Is What You Get When A Basic White Girl Opens A Deli
Every year, September hits and Starbucks releases the coveted Pumpkin Spice Latte. And every year, the internet goes crazy.
Half of us complain that there’s too much pumpkin spice, and the other half lives for pumpkin spice everything. But just because you can add pumpkin spice to just about anything, doesn’t mean you should.
You’re Riding The Subway, And Out Of The Corner Of Your Eye You See Him
I have nothing but respect for this girl who swallowed her pride and wore a dress covered in “Just do it!” Shias. But I want to know: why?
If you’re a Shia stan, then you wouldn’t choose the “Just do it!” version of him for a dress. So this girl must be obsessed with the viral video. And having a dress made just for a viral video is too much.
Don’t Disrespect My Religion
Everyone is entitled to freedom of religion, but what does My Little Pony offer spiritually? Don’t worry, I did the investigating for you. The religion is based around the idea that “Friendship is Magic.” The six central teachings are magic, laughter, honesty, generosity, honesty, kindness, and loyalty. I can’t make this up.
The couple coming up did it for a free dessert, but it was really just for their followers.
What Ever Happened To Just Bringing A Large Cup?
When 7/11 introduced “bring your own cup day” they never expected the internet to take hold of it and run. The outrageous cups started out innocently enough. An old orange juice jug or a sand bucket would do the trick.
Now, people bring anything from toilet bowls to kiddie pools. Stop the madness. You’re quite literally bleeding 7/11 dry just for a retweet.
This Tattoo Is Especially Heinous
In the criminal justice system, permanent tattoos about Law and Order: SVU creator Dick Wolf are considered especially heinous. In real life, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the “Stop Living Your Life On The Internet Unit.”
These are their photos.
They Actually Just Did It For The ‘Gram
Anyone who posts their fake proposal online with incredibly timed photos didn’t do it for the free dessert — they did it for their followers. They must have had accomplices sitting at the table next to them. Also, the lighting is way too good for a fancy restaurant. This was an elaborate operation.
When Reality Starts Blending Into Your Online Alter-Ego
People often admit that they are an entirely different people online versus in real life. You know real life is blending too much into your online presence when your cynical depression is forcing autocorrect to edit your smiley faces.
I must have forgotten to clear my cookies before I assumed my happy-go-lucky online personality.
The Camera Guy Has Seen Too Many People Get Played Online
The camera guy knows that people will do anything for a laugh or retweet from their followers. That includes using fake names, dancing in the background of a reporter’s shot, or giving a bogus interview.
The cameraman thought he was slick and stopping Hunter from pulling a fast one on him, but his knowledge of the internet made him blind to real life.
One Millennial Trend We Can Actually Get Behind
Period parties might seem like a super extra internet trend that isn’t necessary, but I actually don’t hate this one. 50% of the world deals with menstruation, yet no one talks about it and girls are taught to hide their tampons and fight the cramps.
At least this girl will grow up with one good memory from her period. Thanks, internet.
Samuel L. Jackson Is Not Here To Save Us From These Snakes On A Leash
Just because you saw that one video of a guy that raised a lion cub from birth and it worked out okay, doesn’t mean you should try it with any animal you find on the street. There is no scenario where domesticating a ten-foot snake a good idea.
And on a more important note, who are you kidding with those leashes? They’re not doing a thing. These snakes will eat this guy in his sleep.
If It Works For My Sims Character, Why Not In Real Life?
Just because putting a fake lock around your bike stops people from stealing it in the Sims world doesn’t mean it works out on the streets.
All this person did was give someone a great Snapchat story. Caption: “This fool thought a cardboard lock would stop me from stealing their bike.”