Let’s face it, Americans have become spoiled. Long gone are the days where we were content just having a regular Hershey’s chocolate bar. If that chocolate isn’t dipped in pancake batter, deep fried, and served with beer-flavored ice cream, then we’re disappointed.
To make it worse, food companies have taken notice. The big corporations know that we have no self-control when it comes to new and unique food products. That’s why Heinz can get away with inventing purple ketchup, and we still buy it. These products are a friendly reminder that we don’t know how to say “no” when it comes to new and outrageous foods.
Pickles In Tropical Juice Because Why Not?
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I love pickles, and even this is too far for me. There are two main qualities you need in a proper pickle: the salt and the crunch. These Tropickles sound like they’ll have neither.
By soaking them in fruit juice, you’re probably just going to make it sweet and soggy.
The Most Ambitious Crossover Event In History
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The Pizzaburger doesn’t sound as bad as you think. Instead of two regular buns, you have pizza toppings. But shoving slices of hot dog and pickles inside is too much.
Yes, I’ll buy a full eight-pack and probably eat them all. But that doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do.
Just Incase Pop Tarts Weren’t Sweet Enough
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When you’re a child, the greatness of a Pop Tart comes from the fact your parents thought it was healthy enough to be a breakfast food, but you knew it was closer to being a desert. Making a Jolly Rancher flavor is like pulling open the curtain and admitting to parents that they are pure sugar.
Keep reading to find out which exact moment Whole Foods took it too far.
I Feel Like I’m Getting Played
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I love Oreos. Double-stuffed, Thins, Golden. I thought they can do no wrong. Now I find out that they’re really just here to take my money and run. They know I’ll still buy this meta-Oreo even though it’s a waste of money.
You think you can trust someone, then they turn around and do something so obvious that it’s clear you got played.
The Powder Is Made From Crushing Up Our Childhood Dreams
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I know first hand that there is an intense debate between whether or not the milk at the bottom of the cereal bowl is actually good. I love it. I’ve even bought cereal-milk flavored ice cream.
But other people think its a disgusting, sugary mess. Those people are not the target market for this product.
Whole Foods Has Finally Gone Too Far
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We put up with a lot from Whole Foods, but I think they’ve finally gone too far with millennials. You can put kale in anything you want, and we’ll probably still buy it, but don’t you dare disrespect guacamole like this. We’re so sorry about this, guac. You deserved better.
The snack food coming up will make you jealous you don’t live in Canada to try it.
Give These Sriracha Lollipops To Your Kids If They Misbehave
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I can’t tell if this is for real, or if it’s supposed to be a joke candy like those disgusting Beanboozled jelly beans. I know people like sriracha, but I didn’t think they liked it enough to make it a lollipop.
Anyone who can eat one of these without overheating is a hot sauce expert.
The County Fairs In America Are On A Level All Their Own
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If you ever want to find the most ridiculous food item you can, just go to your local county fair. There’s something about a hot dog eating contest and face painting that really brings out the creative side in fair food makers.
This deep-fried peanut butter and jelly cheesecake with bubblegum cream cheese topping (say that five times fast) ticks all the boxes.
Even Canada’s Potato Chips Are Outrageous
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Serious question: is Canada even real? I know geography class has said yes, but they just keep doing stuff that is mind-blowing. Canada is still home to the infamous ketchup and all-dressed flavors of potato chips. They’ve also added bacon poutine (French people are wild) and tzatziki.
’90s kids will remember the excitement, and the disappointment, of the next product.
Never Forgot Heinz Purple Ketchup Fiasco
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No one can forget the dumpster fire of Heinz bringing out different colored ketchup. They started with green, which makes sense because green tomatoes exist. But then they went too far with Funky Purple, Stellar Blue, Passion Pink, Awesome Orange, and Totally Teal.
If you thought that it tasted weird, you weren’t wrong. They technically had to strip the red color and some flavor, which meant adding artificial ketchup flavor. Ew.
Chocolate Is The Next LaCroix Flavor
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Why are companies really trying to pull the wool over our eyes? Chocolate flavored spring water, also known as soda without the carbonation.
This flavored “water” is apparently a huge hit in New Zealand, but to me, it just looks like dirty water from a rusty tap.
Teenage Boys Were Built For This Cupcake
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Whatever bakery decided that experimenting with Mountain Dew flavoring and a crushed Dorito icing was a good idea, was wrong. They were obviously too preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should. It worked though. I’d probably buy one just to say I did.
The breakfast meal coming up is proof that companies don’t even try to hide the fact their weird foods are overly-processed.
There’s No Reason Christmas Should Inspire Flavored Milk
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I don’t know why this company thought that they could get away with mint-vanilla flavored milk because they branded it as Christmas. I believe any milk that isn’t regular, or chocolate, should be banned forever.
This must be a conspiracy by the lactose-intolerant population to try and make the rest of us suffer like them.
This Looks Like A Bad Knock-Off Of Chicken And Waffles
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I wish Texas would start accepting things the way they are, and stop trying to make them bigger and better. Wrapping salmon sushi in a waffle cone is not what the people want.
Are we expected to eat the sushi while holding the cone? Or should we eat all the sushi, and then polish off a soggy waffle that smells like raw fish?
Anytime You Shove A Full Breakfast Into A Sausage Link, It’s A Bad Idea
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Companies have clearly given up on trying to pretend they don’t over-process their food. Gone are the days where they would have at least made this breakfast fiasco omelet shaped. Now they just pumped a stew of ingredients into a sausage casing, and wait for us all to give up on ourselves and buy it.
Keep reading to see which food product completely let us down.
We’ve Strayed Too Far From The Light
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Cinna-Roll Soda’s target market is clearly the 35-year-old man still living at home who has no idea how to grocery shop.
See, this is what the chocolate flavored water should have been marketed as the entire time. Cinnamon roll flavored soda may sound disgusting, but at least the person buying it is fully aware of what they’re getting into.
This Egg Stick Must Be From The Dark Timeline
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Yes, you’re looking at an artificially processed hard-boiled egg. From what I understand, the company takes apart regular eggs then reassembles it in a stick-form.
Many Asian-cuisine restaurants will use the egg stick for ramen or udon garnish. Anyone else who buys it just for fun must have a hidden agenda.
This Is The Only Time Cheetos Didn’t Do Enough
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I’m so used to Cheetos doing way too much, but for once, I feel like they’ve let me down. These unflavored Cheetos are available in Spain, and let’s all agree to keep them over there.
I know I complained when they brought out the XXtra Flamin’ Hot. But seeing these plain Cheetos reminds me how amazing that fluorescent orange cheese powder is.
Because One Weird Oreo Flavor Is Never Enough
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Oreo has done a lot of questionable flavors, but I think we can all agree that candy corn Oreos takes the cake. Pumpkin Spice, Candy Cane, and Peanut Butter are all flavors you can eat more than one of.
No one can eat a more than a handful of candy corn, so why would Oreo expect us to be able to eat more than one candy corn Oreo? Rookie mistake.
The Black Whopper Is The Scariest Part Of Halloween
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The black bun on Burger King’s Halloween Whopper turned off some people, but since we’re a population with bad decision-making skills, some of us still tried it.
And those who tried it had immediate regrets. Whatever dye Burger King used in their bun ends up turning your poop green. Within a few days of its release, #GreenPoop was trending on Twitter. Yikes.